First -- this is a great effort by everyone involved. You guys have done a
fantastic job here and should be proud. I'm a harsh critic, and I tend to
focus on what I see as being areas for improvement rather than
applauding what is done well. Please don't take that as a slight, that's
just my nature -- I always tend to look for what can be improved.
Everyone who posted a song for this should be rightly proud of having
taken the chance to share their work publically like this. All of these
songs are usable material. You guys did great work!
Embrace the Darkness - Life StoryThis is a nice story song, and it ihas it's moments but ultimately I
found the slight lack of consistency in verse structure a problem.
The rhyme scheme for the versus is established as 'A,A,B,C,C,B', but
then that scheme is changed for what seems like no good reason.
There's not a lot of imagery, metaphor or allegory here, it's a straight
forward story that is to be taken on face value. As such, it makes
good rhymes, compelling word choices, and a strong rhyme structure
that much more important. That's what carries a song like this.
Some of the choices (rhyming best with quest) work well, but others
are very weak (around with downs). And then the rhyme scheme is
abandoned. It's as if the author focused so much on the narrative
that the other aspects of song structure just got lost half way
through.
Musically, this song is flat and just doesn't grab me. The chord
choices are predictable and don't really shake things up enough,
and they don't seem to support the meloncholy nature of the
overall lyric. I'd like a stronger minor feel overall and just in
general more movement.
The problem with story songs in general is that the narrative needs
to be compelling to make the song memorable. This song, however,
doesn't really have a great narrative to drive the story. There is a
great idea of a good story here, but it's unrefined and not fully
developed yet. It strikes me as a great start to a song idea, a draft that
needs more work.
- Code: Select all
Originality and Creativity: 03 points
Lyrical imagry/lyrical flow: 03 points
Music - Chord Structure/melody 05 points
Dynamics - phrasing, tempo, overall song 06 points
The Whole Thing 05 points
------------------------------------------------------
Total 22 points
Final Score 4.4
Don't Pray For Me -- bobwThis song has a great lyrical flow, and a wonderful feel in the way it is
presented. The structure has a few weak points, but all in all is very well
crawfted. The structure is simple and straight forward. The song itself
is relatively short and the guitar work forms a significant part of the song,
lending to the depressing feel and making it even darker than the lyrics
suggest by themselves.
Some rhymes are weak (weak with heartbeat for example), and there's
nothing really creative in the imagery presented, but that works in this
case as the song's story is brutal and stark.
The song works well. It's very well crafted and polished. But it seems
short both musically and lyrically. That too, though, works with the
underlying message of the brutallity and shortness of life. What's amazing
to me is the way you know exactly what's being said without any
explicite incite into what the singer means by being " a world away" and
"already free."
The music is just perfect for the song. Dark and minor without being
depressing. It moves easily through the versus and chorus, but doesn't
divert your attention from the lyrics.
I dropped the dynamics score largely due to length. Part of "tempo" and
phrasing is how fast the song comes to a close. This one is just too
short for me. I can see that working as an artistic choice for this
material, but honestly, I suspect it's not so much an artistic choice
turning the song structure into a metaphore for the underlying lyrical theme,
but rather, that the song is just too short . . .
- Code: Select all
Originality and Creativity: 06 points
Lyrical imagry/lyrical flow: 07 points
Music - Chord Structure/melody 08 points
Dynamics - phrasing, tempo, overall song 04 points
The Whole Thing 07 points
------------------------------------------------------
Total 32 points
Final Score 6.4
Coleclark - The MindgameI'd call this a post-punk pop tune, and it works pretty well. The
music flows nicely and has a very nice feel to it. It's easily
something that could be heard on the radio.
But one of my presonal criticism of the whole alternative genre
these days is that it's pretty generic sounding. There's nothing
surprising or new here, musically.
Now, for pop music, that might be good. The listeners of that genre
seem to like vanilla -- everything sounds like everything.
Lyrically, the structure of this type of song isn't a big driver, rather
it's how the syllables fit with the music. Rhyme scheme and structure
are less important than how the words and music fit. In this case
they fit together very well and it keeps the song flowing.
I do like the metaphors of sunlight and moonlight here. The poetic
elements work -- but even these work because they're the generic
uses of those metaphors we've all heard a thousand times before.
It works. But it's hard to judge quality for a genre piece where being
part of the genre where there's such a ubiquity of the generic.
It is listenable, but it lacks anything to bite my teeth into as a song.
- Code: Select all
Originality and Creativity: 03 points
Lyrical imagry/lyrical flow: 05 points
Music - Chord Structure/melody 05 points
Dynamics - phrasing, tempo, overall song 05 points
The Whole Thing 05 points
------------------------------------------------------
Total 23 points
Final Score 4.6
And So It Goes - ChefieMy first thought for listening to thish song is that it needs some help
with the mastering.
This song has a very tight structure. It shows a lot of work went into
crafting the song itself. And there are a few very surprising rhymes here:
basis with oasis caught me completely off guard, for example, that show
sparks of real creativity. But others are a bit mundane -- sky and eyes,
mother and brother, lost and cost.
On the one hand the tight structure is very impressive, but the number of
cliched rhymes is hard to get past.
The song works though, in that the message, the music and the laid back
vocal presentation all convey the same "and so it goes . . " message. It
is a study in the theology of Ecclesiastes revamped for a modern audience.
As such, the song works quite well.
Musically, the song is flat and less interesting than the message and lyrics
deserve. It needs a certain mellowness, but mellow need not be boring. A
more developed base line or some fingerpicking -- something to move the
song more musically, would have been a big boone for this tune.
Over all, this song works. You can just picture some fellow sitting on a porch
at the end of the day strumming and singing this song as an anthem to
the acceptance of the banality of the average life.
- Code: Select all
Originality and Creativity: 05 points
Lyrical imagry/lyrical flow: 08 points
Music - Chord Structure/melody 04 points
Dynamics - phrasing, tempo, overall song 04 points
The Whole Thing 06 points
------------------------------------------------------
Total 27 points
Final Score 5.4
Rest In Peace - RaystrackMusically this may be the most creative song in the bunch. The song
has punch and some interesting rhythmic moments that aren't quite
predictable. The song makes you want to continue to listen to it
to see where the music goes.
The real upside of this song is the very creative story line and the
equally creative imagery used to convey the narrative.
It's just a good narrative and strong music.
But it's also jarring in places, the structure doesn't seem to quite fit,
and it's hard to quit figure out if it's intentional -- to convey the
uneasiness of the story through the music, or if something doesn't quite fit
correctly.
In other words, each individual part of this song is very strong, but
somehow together they're not as compelling.
- Code: Select all
Originality and Creativity: 07 points
Lyrical imagry/lyrical flow: 08 points
Music - Chord Structure/melody 07 points
Dynamics - phrasing, tempo, overall song 08 points
The Whole Thing 05 points
------------------------------------------------------
Total 35 points
Final Score 7
Paint It Blue - BluelineThis is, first of all, an excellent recording. To my ear it was the
most well mastered song of the group.
Musically, it's also very creative, with some unexpected little twists
to keep it going. The outro was an excellent break from the rest
of the tune.
The song conveys the feeling of loss very well. The catch lyric "seems your
life's been painted blue" fits in a strong way in each verse.
My only complaint is that the relationship between the singer and the subject
is just vague. I don't know who Virginia was to the singer. Wife? Lover? Friend?
Mother? Sister?
And what was left behind? The song is about a broken and bereft life
after the loss of someone special -- but what was broken isn't really specified.
The simple structure works to support the song, and works well. This song
has a lot going for it. But ultimately, I'm left to wonder why I as the
listener should care. The lack of specificity in the story leaves me with
out a reason to care too deeply.
- Code: Select all
Originality and Creativity: 07 points
Lyrical imagry/lyrical flow: 05 points
Music - Chord Structure/melody 09 points
Dynamics - phrasing, tempo, overall song 08 points
The Whole Thing 05 points
------------------------------------------------------
Total 34 points
Final Score 6.8
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side." -- HST
.
