Quite an epic you have going on there
It's like a South East Asian version of the Gambler.
You have a lot of nice rhymes and a lot of ideas or angles that could break into 3 minute songs....if that's what you are after.
Suggestion: Consider focusing in on one point of view and one emotion throughout. That way the chorus can pop it's head into the song a bit more. Right now you have the traveler, trickster, daughter of the trickster, and 3 person omniscient all taking turns telling the story.
I like the angle of the trickster just playing the odds that some foreigner will be a jackpot; if not this guy, than the next or next.
I really like this angle as well:
But hes a swollen fruit in a hungry land
And im trained to see if hes ripe
Maybe because in Thailand foreigners are called "farang" which is also the Thai word for guava.
What music do you hear with this?
Thanks for sharing.