Y10W3 Renee's song "Man, Oh, Man

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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Hobson
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Y10W3 Renee's song "Man, Oh, Man

Postby Hobson » November 17th, 2011, 11:53 am

Here's my attempt. I don't have time to refine it right now, but you'll get the idea. The title is a clue. I took the rhythm and rhyming pattern from an old song. Both rhythm and rhyme are unusual.

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... D=11224331
Renee

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Re: Y10W3 Renee's song "Man, Oh, Man

Postby jamestoffee » November 18th, 2011, 4:17 am

Hi Renee,

Sounding good :D I like these lines a lot:

Death is leanin' on my shoulder.
Man, oh, Man, it's killing me. :wink: ....nice chord change on the "killing me"

When the music stinks, they say "what's that smell?" :lol:

I don't have a clue on the original :roll:

Thanks for sharing :D Keep up the good work on posting weekly!

James

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Hobson
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Re: Y10W3 Renee's song "Man, Oh, Man"

Postby Hobson » November 20th, 2011, 8:04 am

Now it can be revealed. I based this "original" song on "Ma, He's Kissing Me." I even adapted a few of the lines. Here's a link to that song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz6G7Pf8pkg
Renee

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Nick
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Re: Y10W3 Renee's song "Man, Oh, Man

Postby Nick » November 20th, 2011, 10:01 am

Hey, I liked it.
Click below for all my guitarnoise articles and reviews

http://www.guitarnoise.com/author/nicktorres/

My songs (Some not suitable for minors)

http://www.soundclick.com/nfshakespeare

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straycat.
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Re: Y10W3 Renee's song "Man, Oh, Man

Postby straycat. » November 20th, 2011, 12:38 pm

Hi!

Glad to see you posted (and a recording, too) despite being busy! I'll try keep doing that, too :)

Like James, I love this bit:

Every minute I get older.
Death is leanin' on my shoulder.
Man, oh, Man, it's killing me.

Deadly (no pun intended :lol: ) writing! Like how it moves from "death" to "killing", brilliant and funny! :D

Also like this:
If they listen at all,
They hear me yell.

Especially because of the paradox of people only being able to hear sb yell if they listen to that person :D

Didn't know the original so never would've guessed.. did have a vague resemblance to "Something Stupid" in my ears though (not even public domain, that one, I think :wink: ).

Cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin