There is a lot going on here and this might be one of those occasions where hearing the lyrics being sung might be a bit helpful as reading them in one's head doesn't always lend itself to the phrasing that you as the songwriter has in mind. The third line, for instance:
Who caused the blows always the teller's right
can be read and mentally phrased in a lot of different ways, especially since the word "always" falls where it does. One's initial reaction would be to rearrange it into two:
Who caused the blows? The teller's always right
which sounds a lot more natural and conversational, but that may not be the way you mean it to be heard.
Have you been singing this as you've been writing it? There are some phrases, like "self frustrated" that seem very hard to annunciate while singing. Alliteration is a very important poetic tool but it doesn't always translate well to the singing. Depends a lot on the singer. The first line of the second verse is a good example of this:
Sweaty days shop's strange stench silent nights saddest sights
Although it reads like a very arresting image, the first half (again, when I'm trying to sing it in my head) is very unweildy to sing. The second half, though (silent nights saddest sights), rolls off the tongue quite nicely.
While there's a lot of good, moody imagery, maybe there's a need for a tighter focus. Some images literally seem to come out of nowhere ("dwells in weather, sports, reels, meter lights" or "deep diving games") and the overall effect can have the listener doing a lot of backpedalling to see what was missed instead of being along for the emotional ride of the song.
Since lyric writing is done on "paper" and we as writers do a lot of reading and rewriting, it's often easy to forget the essential thing about songs - your listener (more often than not without the aid of lyric sheet) gets one listen. And that single listen has to convey the entire song, or enough of it for the listener to want a second listen.
While you've a lot of very vivid and interesting images going on, I honestly can't get a feel for how effective this will be when sung. It may very well be that your melody and harmony have got this all covered. But just from reading this over a dozen times and trying to hear it in my head, I'm having some difficulties getting through to your song's message.
Hope this helps. And I also hope you know that this is just my take on things. Someone else is bound to come along and say the total opposite!
Looking forward to more.