Y10W52 Apocalypso

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
Post Reply
boxboy
Guitarnoise Denizen
Posts: 1229
Joined: June 22nd, 2006, 6:21 am
Location: Toronto

Y10W52 Apocalypso

Post by boxboy » November 2nd, 2012, 10:13 am

Well, I'm back to see if I can actually finish a Year 10 assignment. This stuff does not come easily to me. :lol:

But I came up with a goofy title I liked and roughed in a first verse, to the tune of Harry Belafonte's Jump in the Line:

Quake, quake, quake, carumba!, quake on the fault line,
Make make make, for cover, running out of time
Sue sue sue ,Tsunami, vertical incline
Take take take, some water, lemon or a lime

Any and all feedback welcome. Maybe swap lines 2 and 4?

Caveat: I do not think natural disasters are funny. Just goofing around.

The great Mr. Belafonte: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wpNk860pTO4
Don

John Sargent
Senior Member
Posts: 951
Joined: March 27th, 2010, 6:36 pm
Location: Aurora, IL
Contact:

Re: Y10W52 Apocalypso

Post by John Sargent » November 2nd, 2012, 4:07 pm

I like the title. I also like satirical songs of the Weird All type.

Vic Lewis VL
Albus Dumblechord
Posts: 10862
Joined: April 28th, 2004, 2:54 pm
Location: Newton-le-Willows, England
Contact:

Re: Y10W52 Apocalypso

Post by Vic Lewis VL » November 2nd, 2012, 4:46 pm

Had to look up the Harry B song - didn't remember it offhand. Of course, as soon as I heard it, it brought back memories.... I like what you've done so far, all you need now is to FINISH THE DAMN SONG! Sorry, that's just me - I hate unfinished songs, especially my own....you get a verse and a chorus, then you're completely stumped for a 2nd verse.....grrrrrr!

Might I suggest....keep the same rhythm, play with words, try to stick to the same theme, use Google (or the search engine of your choice) for further inspiration?

I'd love to hear this one finished off and recorded!

:-) :-) :-)

Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)

jamestoffee
Guitarnoise Addict
Posts: 2882
Joined: November 22nd, 2008, 4:53 am

Re: Y10W52 Apocalypso

Post by jamestoffee » November 3rd, 2012, 2:11 am

You've got a good start on an idea and a model to follow, so keep it simple and follow the model in themes/ideas of each section.

One thing to note right off is Jump in the Line only talks about "Senora".....no other women are mentioned.....that's a key concept to keep the song focused on one idea.....when you have quake in verse 1 and tsunami in verse 2 you dilute the idea....stick with one and follow the "Jump in the Line" model.......

one suggestion is to write about a hurricane b/c they are officially given names which leads easier to personification.

So here's how I'd go about pulling out the gist of one song to use for another (similar to Mad Libs):
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mad_Libs

Here Senora = the natural disaster

Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line Verb + verb and body part
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time Verb + verb and time reference
Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line Repeat line 1
Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time Repeat line 2

My girl's name is Senora IDENTIFY THE DISASTER
I tell you friends, I adore her WHAT FEELING DOES IT INSPIRE?
And when she dances, oh brother! WHAT DOES IT DO? SLANG EXPRESSION TO IDENTIFY EMOTION
She's a hurricane in all kinds of weather SIMILE OF THE NATURAL DISASTER TO SOMETHING ELSE THAT DESTROYS (ie Mike Tyson)

(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you! 2 COMMAND PHRASES TO THE LISTENER- RESPONSE OF THE SINGER WATCHING THE LISTENER OBEY
(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you! REPEAT LINE 1
(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) OK, I believe you! REPEAT LINE 1
(Jump in de line, rock your body in time) Whoa! REPEAT LINE 1 & EXPLETIVE

Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake your body line REPEAT PREVIOUS SECTION
Shake, shake, shake, Senora, shake it all the time
Work, work, work, Senora, work your body line
Work, work, work, Senora, work it all the time

You can talk about Cha Cha MENTION OTHER MOVEMENT LIKE AN EARTHQUAKE- ie a truck on the road, loud speakers, baby crying, etch
Tango, Waltz, or de Rumba
Senora's dance has no title
You jump in the saddle A PHYSICAL METAPHOR REFERENCE TO WHAT IT FEELS LIKE IN THE THE DISASTER
Hold on to de bridle! A 2ND PHYSICAL METAPHOR REFERENCE TO THE SAME METAPHOR

...............OK, YOU GET THE IDEA, I'LL LEAVE IT TO YOU IF YOU WANT TO TRY THIS METHOD TO FINISH OFF THE SONG......if it's not making sense or seems too much trouble, no worries :wink:

Kudos for posting and getting something started! :D

James

dhodge
Musically Insane
Posts: 5733
Joined: June 15th, 2002, 8:21 am
Contact:

Re: Y10W52 Apocalypso

Post by dhodge » November 3rd, 2012, 5:23 am

No, natural disasters are not funny and I don't think anyone is going to think you're making light of the situation.

But...

What a great idea and terrific title! You've got a wonderful start here. Maybe one idea, especially if you'r concerned about the seriousness of the matter, would be to make it a shared disaster with the narrator giving folks a helping hand:

Take take take, some water, here have some of mine

Just a thought.

Let me echo everyone else by saying "please work on this more." I think you've got a great start and I'm truly looking forward to more.

Peace

boxboy
Guitarnoise Denizen
Posts: 1229
Joined: June 22nd, 2006, 6:21 am
Location: Toronto

Re: Y10W52 Apocalypso

Post by boxboy » November 3rd, 2012, 7:17 am

Thanks all for the feedback and encouragement. It is much appreciated.

Super pointers, James. I will save out and digest...I was thinking of the quake and tsunami as one event (tidal wave triggered by quake) and it made it more, er, apocalyptic, but I hear you about how it diffuses focus.

Thanks David for the sharing idea. I will explore that for sure...as I continue to work on this to completion! :lol:

Edit:
jamestoffee wrote: one suggestion is to write about a hurricane b/c they are officially given names which leads easier to personification.
James

I got thinking about this...what if I make it about the island of Krakatoa? Probably the most famous quake/volcano/tsunami of all time.
The island gets ascribed female qualities...'she' is beautiful,the narrator loves 'her', like people talk of their boats or cars...

ie:
Krack Krack Krack a toa, island paradise
Krack krack krack a toa, today she's not so nice

that gives it the personification and leaves me free to describe any disaster events by tying them all back to how they affect 'her'.

I don't think there's much calypso music in the Dutch East Indies, but what's a few thousand kilometres amongst friends. :)
Last edited by boxboy on November 3rd, 2012, 9:24 am, edited 1 time in total.
Don

andygetch
Full Member
Posts: 328
Joined: January 2nd, 2012, 8:32 pm
Location: Fort Myers, Florida, USA

Re: Y10W52 Apocalypso

Post by andygetch » November 3rd, 2012, 8:03 am

Hi boxboy,
Your song and
MrEWorm wrote:I like the title. I also like satirical songs of the Weird All type.
made me think of this Weird Al Yankovic song "Christmas at Ground Zero"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t039p6xqutU

keep it up!

Post Reply