Y12W18 - Loretta

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
Post Reply
User avatar
Hobson
Senior Member
Posts: 794
Joined: May 15th, 2009, 10:46 am
Location: Near Tombstone, Arizona, USA

Y12W18 - Loretta

Post by Hobson » March 5th, 2014, 10:33 am

I've been retired for a few years, yet the first thing that popped into my head was a boss of mine who could never finish anything. She would constantly send things back for rewrite instead of just making whatever changes she had in mind. She was a real stickler for deadlines, but never met one herself. Writing this song felt good. I've changed her name to protect the guilty.

verse:

Some bosses are fair.
Some are true bastards.
Loretta, I don't think you were aware
That my years with you were disaster.

chorus:

Loretta,
Things never get better.
Everything you did was late.
You were terrified of being second rate

verse:

I couldn't take vacation days
Until my work was done.
In the end my project remained
Buried on your desk for eight months.

chorus

verse:

When they offered early retirement.
I was the first in line.
Got myself out of that environment,
Out of Loretta Time.

chorus

verse:

We joked that you'd miss your funeral,
But I came and you were there.
The eulogies stayed fairly neutral,
Avoiding criticism, carefully prepared.

chorus

verse:

Even after death you were in control,
Having left pages of instruction.
God bless your meticulous soul,
'Though it's probably in perdition.

chorus
Renee

jamestoffee
Guitarnoise Addict
Posts: 2882
Joined: November 22nd, 2008, 4:53 am

Re: Y12W18 - Loretta

Post by jamestoffee » March 7th, 2014, 4:10 am

Hi Renee,

I don't know how it will sound, but it's a good read. :D

The emotion and tension come across well.

Thanks for sharing.
James

chefie
Senior Member
Posts: 549
Joined: January 18th, 2005, 12:45 am
Location: Tucson, Az

Re: Y12W18 - Loretta

Post by chefie » March 7th, 2014, 6:45 am

Hi Renee,

Nice work! A couple of suggestions . . . .
Loretta,
Things never get better.
Shouldn't it be
Things never got better?
In the last verse, the use of Perdition is a great way to sum up your feelings. And I really like that image. Just not sure if the rhyme of Instruction and Perdition works. Thinking possibly working in the word Condition somehow might be a better fit.

Neil

User avatar
Hobson
Senior Member
Posts: 794
Joined: May 15th, 2009, 10:46 am
Location: Near Tombstone, Arizona, USA

Re: Y12W18 - Loretta

Post by Hobson » March 7th, 2014, 2:46 pm

Thanks for the read and comments. Yes, "get" was supposed to be "got." Just a case of my fingers working faster than my brain.

There aren't a lot of words that rhyme with "perdition" and I would really like to leave that in. The part about the woman leaving pages of instructions for her own funeral is absolutely true, so I'd like to leave that in too. I'll give it some thought.
Renee

Post Reply