Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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jamestoffee
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Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by jamestoffee » November 2nd, 2014, 2:57 am

Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12958295

=====Revised Version=====

When you came to us as baby we were at a loss
So we gave a man a bright red suit and called him Santa Claus
When you said you were a king, we hung you on a cross
We made chocolate bunnies and Easter eggs with bright pink polka dots

Chorus
We didn't know‏ You
We didn't know‏ You
We didn't know‏ You are God

When you came to us like a plague who was there to blame?
The priests took all our money to pray for our mistakes
When the church went to work killing in your name
We gathered all the black sheep and burned them at the stake

chorus

solo

When you come to us again riding on the clouds
Every tongue will confess and every knee will bow
The wonderment and fear is spreading through the crowds

chorus

Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?
Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?
Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?
Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?




=====Original Version=====
When you came to us as baby we were at a loss
So we gave a man a bright red suit and called him Santa Claus
When you said you were a king, we hung you on a cross
We made chocolate bunnies and Easter eggs with bright pink polka dots

Chorus
We didn't know‏ You
We didn't know‏ You
We didn't know‏ You are God

When you came to us like a plague who was there to blame?
The priests took all our money to pray for our mistakes
When the church went to work killing in your name
We gathered all the martyrs and burned them at the stake

chorus

solo

When you come to us again riding on the clouds
Every tongue will confess and every knee will bow
And I can hear the talk spreading through the crowds

chorus

Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?
Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?
Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?
Hey, what’d you say, Oh Son of Man?
Last edited by jamestoffee on November 6th, 2014, 3:57 am, edited 3 times in total.

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dhodge
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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by dhodge » November 2nd, 2014, 12:10 pm

Hi James

That solo is some sort of Leslie cabinet simulation, no? Very nice touch.

One of many nice touches, I should say because, yet again, there are a lot of wonderful moments in the whole piece. The first verse alone is a fine example of making a lot out of very specific small details.

But as much as I love the "bright pink polka dots," I think my favorite part about the whole song is how it's very easy for the listener to mishear the chorus. Instead of taking it in as "we didn't know you are God," one could catch it as "we didn't know you, our God." That's brilliant, whether it was intentionally planned or not!

Looking forward to more.

Peace

jamestoffee
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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by jamestoffee » November 2nd, 2014, 3:09 pm

Hi David,
dhodge wrote:That solo is some sort of Leslie cabinet simulation, no? Very nice touch.
It's a VST plug-in called Guitar Rig 4 and the setting is emulating Soundgarden's "Black Hole Sun"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mbBbFH9fAg

I'm very please with Guitar Rig 4 as it has a lot of diversity.
dhodge wrote:"we didn't know you, our God." That's brilliant, whether it was intentionally planned or not!
Happy accident :P

Thanks for the listen and post :D

James

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dhodge
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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by dhodge » November 2nd, 2014, 4:53 pm

Happy accidents are good, but I often suspect our subconscious sometimes steps in when we're writing. Yours is probably working overtime even when you're not writing!

Peace

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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by jamestoffee » November 2nd, 2014, 7:38 pm

dhodge wrote:I often suspect our subconscious sometimes steps in when we're writing.
I agree. I often find remnants of music, vocabulary or characters that carry over from previous songwriting assignments.
dhodge wrote:Yours is probably working overtime even when you're not writing!
I think everyone's does, but I have been reading up on trying how to be better in tune or listening more for opportunities for the subconscious to reveal itself. It's a very interesting area to study and discuss ideas/exercises.

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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by jamestoffee » November 4th, 2014, 5:31 am

:note2: Re-recorded :note2:

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Hobson
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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by Hobson » November 4th, 2014, 1:18 pm

All good, but I have a problem with two lines.

"We gathered all the martyrs and burned them at the stake"

I think that "we" wouldn't consider them martyrs. We might call them heretics or zealots.

"And I can hear the talk spreading through the crowds"

This line seems weak. How about something like this:

Wonderment and fear spreading through the crowds
Renee

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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by jamestoffee » November 5th, 2014, 4:35 am

Hi Rene,
Hobson wrote:I think that "we" wouldn't consider them martyrs. We might call them heretics or zealots.
I hadn't really thought of the distinction between martyr and heretic before....and even though I can't back it up, "martyr" seems to imply the person was right and "heretic" sounds like a negative.....like the person deserved it, but that's NOT true...

"Martyr" seems more noble...and the "we" doing the actual burning would call them heretics, but I guess I'm thinking in terms of we speaking on behalf of the actions of our forefathers.

.....but I'll keep thinking on that one.
Hobson wrote:This line seems weak. How about something like this:
Wonderment and fear spreading through the crowds
Agreed.....

How about these?

"A Wonderment and fear is spreading through the crowds"
"Wonder and amazement is spreading through the crowds"
"And I can see the awe spreading through the crowds"
"As You glory fills the Earth awakening the crowds"
"As You glory fills the Earth sweeping the crowds"

...I'm not set that any of them end it well.....thinking....thinking......thinking....

Thanks for the listen and post.

James

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Re: Y13W1 We Didn't Know You Are God

Post by jamestoffee » November 6th, 2014, 3:54 am

***POOF*** :mrgreen: Changes made

#1
martyrs > black sheep
#2
"The wonderment and fear is spreading through the crowds"

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