Y13W3 You Are Here

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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jamestoffee
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Joined: November 22nd, 2008, 4:53 am

Y13W3 You Are Here

Post by jamestoffee » November 18th, 2014, 4:23 am

Y13W3 You Are Here

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12973417

=====Revised Version=====

Chorus
You are here
You are here
Live loud; be yourself
You don't need to be anywhere else
You are here

With so many stars up in the sky
With so many faces shuffling by
You don’t need to bother wondering why
Just be so good they can’t deny

chorus

Plant you feet look around where you are
Sometimes the closest feels so far
Each day unveiled is a work of art
Now you know where to start

chorus

solo

Dance in the glow of a lonely street light
Wink at the passing satellites
Paint your circle red the world's black and white
Point the arrow to your life

chorus 2X




=====Original Version=====

Chorus
You are here
You are here
Live loud; be yourself
You don't need to be anywhere else
You are here

With so many stars up in the sky
With so many faces shuffling by
You don’t need to bother wondering why
Just be so good they can’t deny

chorus

Plant you feet look around where you are
Sometimes the closest feels so far
Each day unveiled is a work of art
Now you know where to start

chorus

solo

With so many wires and city lights
With so many freeways rushing by
Paint a red circle the world's black and white
Point the arrow to your life

chorus 2X
Last edited by jamestoffee on November 21st, 2014, 2:18 am, edited 2 times in total.

chefie
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Posts: 549
Joined: January 18th, 2005, 12:45 am
Location: Tucson, Az

Re: Y13W3 You Are Here

Post by chefie » November 20th, 2014, 4:20 pm

HI James,

First of all, I love your choice of "you are here". It works really great in your chorus with such a simple and direct statement, and music to match. Your solo fit in well. But for some reason, and I'm sorry, I can't even express why, but your last verse doesn't have the clarity of your first two verses . . . . . just doesn't come together for me. But, in all, I think you've done a great job.

Neil

jamestoffee
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Re: Y13W3 You Are Here

Post by jamestoffee » November 20th, 2014, 4:31 pm

Hi Neil,

Thanks for the listen and post. :D
chefie wrote: but your last verse doesn't have the clarity of your first two verses . . . . . just doesn't come together for me.
Thanks for pointing that out. I'm not sure either.

The first two lines in the last verse are pretty much the same as the first. The last two lines I was trying to describe more physicality what you see on the maps that have "you are here"; usually a red dot or an arrow.

....I'll try making the first two lines more "map" context oriented as well and see if it helps.

-James

jamestoffee
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Re: Y13W3 You Are Here

Post by jamestoffee » November 20th, 2014, 7:53 pm

How's this for an alternative to the last verse?

Dance in the glow of a lonely street light
Wink at the satellites rushing by
Paint your circle red the world's black and white
That arrow’s pointing to your life

jamestoffee
Guitarnoise Addict
Posts: 2882
Joined: November 22nd, 2008, 4:53 am

Re: Y13W3 You Are Here

Post by jamestoffee » November 21st, 2014, 2:18 am

***POOF*** Last Verse Revised :mrgreen:

Dance in the glow of a lonely street light
Wink at the passing satellites
Paint your circle red the world's black and white
Point the arrow to your life

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