SSG14 - Week10 - Imagine You

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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pbee
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SSG14 - Week10 - Imagine You

Post by pbee » January 2nd, 2016, 4:44 pm

I’m going to choose “totally ignore” ;-). Although reading the assignment has inspired me to post where otherwise there wouldn't have been a ghost (digital or otherwise) of a chance.
This song I’m in the process of writing is a commission (unpaid) from a friend who has written an environmental childrens book covering some of the issues mentioned below (think Dr Suess and The Lorax). The term kaitaiketanga is a Maori (New Zealand’s first nation) term for guardianship of the earth.
What I’m really interested in is whether the last 2 lines of each verse work as a general repetition of the same theme of whether I should tailor each to reflect the verses (fish, bird or tree) theme.


Imagine You
Copyright 2016 Paul Brady all rights reserved

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-taike-tanga
All the fish swimming in the sea
They rely on you and me
No matter where they’re found
To keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-taike-tanga
All the birds flying in the sky
Need our help to survive
And no matter where they’re found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-taike-tanga
All the forests filled with trees
Breathe fresh air in the breeze
And no matter where they’re found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green

Imagine You - version 2
Copyright 2016 Paul Brady all rights reserved

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-taike-tanga
All the fish swimming in the sea
They rely on you and me
Wherever fish are found
To keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-taike-tanga
All the birds flying in the sky
Need our help to survive
Wherever birds are found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-taike-tanga
All the forests filled with trees
Breathe fresh air in the breeze
Wherever trees are found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green
As guardians we are bound
To keep this world safe and sound
Last edited by pbee on January 19th, 2016, 4:46 pm, edited 7 times in total.

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Hobson
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Re: SSG14 - Week10 - Imagine You

Post by Hobson » January 3rd, 2016, 10:27 am

I'm imagining a group of children singing this and I vote for changing the last two lines of each verse to reflect the verses.
Renee

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dhodge
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Re: SSG14 - Week10 - Imagine You

Post by dhodge » January 3rd, 2016, 3:33 pm

Hi Paul

And a belated "Happy New Year" to you.

I'm also in the "change for every verse" camp but in a different way. First, I'm assuming that this is the chorus:
Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green
My thought is that you'd add the last two lines of the verses to this chorus, but change it for each chorus while keeping it the same in the verses. In the final chorus, you'd add the focus from each verse. You could then add a tag to wrap everything up to drive the message home. So the whole thing would read like this:
Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-tai-te-tanga
All the fish swimming in the sea
They rely on you and me
No matter where they’re found
To keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green
No matter where the fish are found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-tai-te-tanga
All the birds flying in the sky
Need our help to survive
And no matter where they’re found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green
No matter where the birds are found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-tai-te-tanga
All the forests filled with trees
Breathe fresh air in the breeze
And no matter where they’re found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green
No matter where the trees are found
We must keep them safe and sound
No matter where the birds are found
We must keep them safe and sound
No matter where the fish are found
We must keep them safe and sound

All living things the whole world 'round
We must keep them safe and sound
Love the song, by the way. Thanks for ignoring the assignment! :wink: You know you should feel free to post up anytime!

And looking forward to more in 2016.

Peace

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Re: SSG14 - Week10 - Imagine You

Post by pbee » January 3rd, 2016, 5:50 pm

Thanks for the feedback Renee I think the specific works better too.
Thanks David some great ideas that I’ll borrow if I may.
It always amazes me how songs develop. The first cut of this song had
Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-tai-te-tanga
As the chorus with the fish, bird tree themes as the verses, then they ended up merging into a sort of chori-verse thingy so I thought I would put a bridge in there to break up monotony which has now become the defacto chorus.

BTW I really liked this:
All living things the whole world 'round
We must keep them safe and sound
So Ive paraphrased to fit the guardianship idea thanks.
Anyway here’s my latest attempt,

Imagine You
Copyright 2016 Paul Brady all rights reserved

Version 2
Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-tai-te-tanga
All the fish swimming in the sea
They rely on you and me
Wherever fish are found
To keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine you, kai-tai-te-tanga
All the birds flying in the sky
Need our help to survive
Wherever birds are found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green

Imagine you, you’re a protector
Imagine me, kai-tai-te-tanga
All the forests filled with trees
Breathe fresh air in the breeze
Wherever trees are found
We must keep them safe and sound

Imagine you, Imagine me
Imagine blue, Imagine green
A managed world all around
Because we keep it safe and sound

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Re: SSG14 - Week10 - Imagine You

Post by LingDar » January 4th, 2016, 12:17 pm

As the others have said the specific words are better.
What sort of music does this go to?
I like the "All things living the whole world round" but I don't like the word "managed." I get that it goes well with the imagine for sound purposes but I feel the meaning is too corporate/strict/??? to go well with the rest of the song. Without the music Im having treble figuring out a better word. It just breaks the momentum right before the end.

Great song looking forward to hearing it.

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Re: SSG14 - Week10 - Imagine You

Post by pbee » January 5th, 2016, 8:13 pm

Hi Lingdar thanks for the feedback.
but I don't like the word "managed." I get that it goes well with the imagine for sound purposes but I feel the meaning is too corporate/strict/??? to go well with the rest of the song.
Yes you might be right there, thanks. Maybe something along the lines of
And as guardians we are bound
To keep this world safe and sound
That way it's still in keeping with the kaitaitetanga theme without the "husbandry/management" overtones.

Musically it’s a strummed acoustic guitar with a strong backing beat provided by a cajon, it might take me a couple of days to record it though.

Cheers
Paul

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