Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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Hobson
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Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

Post by Hobson » February 2nd, 2016, 11:42 am

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_so ... D=13310456

verse:

So much to do, so little time.
I'm racing toward the finish line
With barely a chance to say good-bye
To those who matter in my life

chorus:

If I had a year,
I'd spend with you near.
My clock is running fast.
Next month could be my last

verse:

My Friday night wine and cheese
Is chamomile and saltines.
No more evenings on the town.
I'm so glad you stick around.

chorus

interlude:

Maybe I shouldn't try,
Just give up and die.

verse:

I'm at the corner of bad and worse.
At times I curse the universe.
No matter how much I rehearse,
I don't know how to play this verse.

chorus
Renee

LingDar
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Re: Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

Post by LingDar » February 3rd, 2016, 4:39 am

I like, it is very beautiful and moving. My first thought is someone with a terminal illness. The only part I don't like is the last two lines "no matter how much I rehearse I just can't seem to play this verse". Compared to the rest of throng it seems a trivial problem. I get it could be an analogy, but that would just dilute the song. Why start in with analogies when the rest just tells it like it is.

Great song.

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Hobson
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Re: Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

Post by Hobson » February 3rd, 2016, 6:33 am

It is about someone with a terminal illness and a short time to live.

I agree with your comment about the last verse. The last two lines are an analogy. I was finding rhymes for "worse" and used more of them than I should have. I got lazy instead of coming up with something more meaningful.

Thanks for taking the time to listen and comment.
Renee

sirdroid
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Re: Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

Post by sirdroid » February 3rd, 2016, 9:10 am

excellent writing, brings me back to my youth ;)

Bear in mind tho, and i say this only based on your comments,
the music will blend your words where you don't have to rely on rhymes...
play with your words, find what feels right and put it to music.
i think you will find the words, even tho they don't classically rhyme will get your point across and sound amazing

Just my two cents. Keep on writing, no better way to express yourself

Celt
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Re: Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

Post by Celt » February 3rd, 2016, 12:46 pm

I may not be the right person to critique this song. I lost two dear friends to pancreatic cancer so
the subject is close to my heart. That said I like it. At first I had the same feeling about the
last two lines but on further thought they make sense.
If life is a song then the final verse must be the hardest to be prepared for.

John
My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt

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Hobson
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Re: Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

Post by Hobson » February 6th, 2016, 12:03 pm

Thanks for the comments. Sirdroid, I confess that I had no idea what you were trying to say. I think maybe you posted to the wrong thread.

After playing around with some other ideas, I plan to leave the last verse as is.

John, yeah, this is a rough time for all involved. I really had trouble singing this without choking. But writing it was cathartic.
Renee

Celt
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Re: Y14W13 - If I Had a Year

Post by Celt » February 7th, 2016, 7:50 am

Hobson wrote:But writing it was cathartic.
Yes it can be.
My SoundClick Page

Collaborations

" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt

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