SSG Y14W32 - The Inquisitor

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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GrungeSunset
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SSG Y14W32 - The Inquisitor

Post by GrungeSunset » June 14th, 2016, 3:07 pm

On the eve of our battle, I began to question our mission.
Morale was low as the enemy’s plan came to fruition.
We were beaten down, nearly out of commission.
When he appeared, the leader of our Inquisition.

He said “Men, I see the fear in your eyes.”
“It’s hard to be strong, while everything dies.”
“But stay fast men and try to visualize.”
“The enemy’s fear at the sound of our battlecries!”

He stood in front of us, tall and broad.
“Tomorrow we fight and kill the old god.”
We held onto his words, stood and felt awed.
The Inquisitor, the leader of our squad.

He looked up at the sky and began to preach.
“I’ve been to heaven, I crossed through the breach.”
“So no goal is outside of our reach.”
“Listen to my tale, hear what I teach.”

He spoke of the Mage and Templar conclave.
With the Divine in danger, he tried to save.
Her life before she became a blood slave.
But he was too late, she went to her grave.

He spoke of walking, fighting in the Fade.
Where a demon died, and a warrior was made.
But on his heart, a heavy choice weighed.
A friend was left behind so he could be saved.

He said the enemy had an orb of immense power.
“Unlocking it’s potential will be our final hour.”
Clad in armour, he rose like a metal tower.
“This is the time for bravery, not to cower.”

“The Elder One wants to get our submission.”
“He plays to destroy us, destroy his competition.”
“He will face us, he will face our raw ambition!”
“We are the last hope, We are the Inquisition!”

We all drew our swords and thrust them into the air!
We let out our rallying cry, with all the breath we could spare!
We were prepared to go into battle and give it our all.
For on the dawn’s light an ancient god would finally fall.
"In what, twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two handed arpeggio technique count as ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!" - Dr Gregory House

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dhodge
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Re: SSG Y14W32 - The Inquisitor

Post by dhodge » June 15th, 2016, 8:16 am

Hi

Reading this, my mind flashed back to reading other "story songs" from books like "The Hobbit" and the "Lord of the Rings" trilogy and the various chronicles of Thomas Covenant. It's amazing how well the language conveys a sense of history and lands long ago, imagined or real.

The only suggestion I can make is concerning how this is going to be put to music - more specifically, to how it will be sung. While the lines are rich in terms of reading, some may be hard to match with a melody. You particularly want to be careful with the third line of the following stanza:
He stood in front of us, tall and broad.
“Tomorrow we fight and kill the old god.”
We held onto his words, stood and felt awed.
The Inquisitor, the leader of our squad.
"Felt awed" is going to be hard to sing without it sounding like "felt odd." You might want to switch "awed" to "awe" and tweak the lines a bit, perhaps like this:

He stood in front of us, tall and broad.
“Tomorrow we fight and kill the old god.”
We held onto his words, stood in reverent awe
Of the Inquisitor, the leader of our squad.

Just a thought.

Hope you do get around to making some music for this, even if it's just an instrumental piece to serve as background while the song is recited.

Peace

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GrungeSunset
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Re: SSG Y14W32 - The Inquisitor

Post by GrungeSunset » June 22nd, 2016, 2:49 pm

Thanks David.

When I was writing this, I was hearing a celtic folk song in my head. I'd love to be able to put music to it but the only software I have is Garageband and I can't for the life of me figure out how to use it.
"In what, twisted universe does mastering Eddie Van Halen's two handed arpeggio technique count as ABSOLUTELY NOTHING?!" - Dr Gregory House

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