SSG Week 46 (Belated? lol)

The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak. After all, writing is like playing - to get better, you have to practice.
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bstguitarist
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SSG Week 46 (Belated? lol)

Post by bstguitarist » September 27th, 2004, 2:10 pm

This is the song I forgot over the weekend, I know its short but I can add onto it later. I just want to get the brunt of it finished first. Well hope you enjoy!


Patients

(Verse One)
What the hell,
Is taking so long?
I've been here an hour,
Is something wrong?

(Verse Two)
Who do you think,
Just who I am?
Stop wasting my time,
I'm a busy man.

(Chorus)
But when the time comes,
I think I'll see,
This long wait,
Was worth it for me.

(Verse Three)
They say patience pays poorly,
But that's not right,
Hey I'm a rich man,
Now isn't that nice.
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Morse Code... Music on it's own

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sozay
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Post by sozay » September 27th, 2004, 2:14 pm

nice work bst, though it needs another couple of verses i think. in terms of what is there thou, the first 2 lines of the 2nd verse didnt make sense to me. did you mean something like "Just who do you think, do you think i am?" everything else made perfect sense, nicely written.

I see what your getting at with this song, but there is plenty of room to flesh the idea out a bit.

cheers
sozay

CheapThrill
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Post by CheapThrill » September 27th, 2004, 7:14 pm

hey bst,

i think that your song is cute. i like the matter of fact way that the subject talks. there are a couple of lines that don't flow the best.
Who do you think,
Just who I am?
Now isn't that nice.
one other thing that i will say is that i do agree that there needs to be a verse or two more. there needs to be a better transition going from the subject being a bit mad about wasting time to being a rich man and happy about his place in life.

over all i really enjoyed reading this song. i look forward to reading the revisions on this song.

-CheapThrill

smokindog
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Post by smokindog » September 27th, 2004, 11:40 pm

8) 8) I like this a lot, to me it has a 60's vibe(thats a good thing). I think the idea is very good --ken

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