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discouraging fathers.

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(@maisie)
Active Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

Well, we were the shop yesterday, (I bought my very first acoustic ) and my dad was like "show me what you can do.
and I just looked at him and played a simple G, and he was like "is that it? i thought you would of learnt something by now."
Anyway, so we bought the guitar and left, and I was really angry because I'm the one trying here, I'm really enjoying it and it makes me happy, so he should be happy too.
So, I was really mad and started shouting at him. Its like he wants me to quit just so he's right. And he was like, "You have to keep persevering." I was like, "Yeah dad, I've been persevering for the last 14 years, what makes you think I'm gonna stop now."

UGH! he makes me so mad! All I ever asked of him was a little encouragement!

What should I do?


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(@musenfreund)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5134
 

Congratulations on the acoustic. I think you've answered your question: you said playing makes you really happy. You've got to play for yourself and because you enjoy it. That's the key to success. Keep playing, keep having fun, and let the rest sort itself out.

Well we all shine on--like the moon and the stars and the sun.
-- John Lennon


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(@alangreen)
Member Moderator
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 5366
 

What would I suggest?

Learn to play something - anything from our own Easy Songs Database is an excellent start.

Then write something - there are loads of ideas for themes/ titles in the Assignment threads over in the Sunday Songwriters Group here. Post the lyrics, everybody says how good they are or gives you ideas for changes, and then play some chords to sing the words over and Hey Presto! you're an artist.

If you look in "Hear here" you'll find lots of links to Forum members' own songs. Some of us cannot sing, and some of us can barely strum and squawk at the same time, but it's an excellent way of getting your music out there however good or bad you think it is - it's all good experience and you learn so much from doing it too. There are loads of places you can post your completed songs for free in MP3 format (Soundclick, Myspace, Reverbnation), and any number of the members here will help you with advice on how to get your songs recorded on your PC (Audacity is free software and extremely powerful).

That'll show him

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


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(@katmetal)
Honorable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 727
 

What everyone else said...And.... I would also add, go easy on "Dad". As a dad myself, I know sometimes we say things that maybe could have been said in a better way, but we mean well... :)


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(@akflyingv)
Reputable Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 407
 

what type of music do you listen to are what type of songs do you want to learn?
What type of acoustic did you get?

One thing positive is that your dad did go with you and is trying to be involved in some part of your guitar playing. I'm sure he is excited that you are learning new things and just wanted to see your progress. Most people dont know how long it takes to learn the basics.


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(@katreich)
Honorable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 689
 

OOOH flashback! That could have been my dad speaking! Just learn to play and to please yourself. In a few years you might get a "I didn't know you could play that well" from him. I did.

Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.

www.soundclick.com/kathyreichert


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(@citizennoir)
Noble Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 1248
 

Hey Maisie :D

Yeah, dad's can be like that.
Could be for a few reasons.... maybe he himself is a quitter, and is projecting his own image onto you;
maybe he knows how difficult it is, and doesn't want you to be dissapointed in some way.
If you can believe it, he probably is just worried about you, and has a hard time showing it.

21 years ago, I came home with a brand new Fender Strat.... my dad (who also had a Fender Strat) took one look at it and
said: Well, that was a waste of 500 bucks!
LOL!

21 years later - I still have that same guitar, plus his!
I still play.
He's still my father, I'm still his son and we talk of music and guitars often.

In fact, we've been discussing building my dream Tele!
(Well, HE will be doing the building - he's always been into that kind of stuff :) )

So - (to borrow from the movie Easy Rider), Just do your own thing in your own time

Ken

"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway

"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles


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(@maisie)
Active Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

Thank you so much guys. That really boosted my confidence. :D


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(@kroikey)
Estimable Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 232
 

Was it not a simple case of him wanting to hear something you like playing? You didn't mention what songs you like to play, and some responses told you to learn some full songs and you never replied to that either.

If I were buying a nice new guitar for my son who'd been playing for 14 years, I'd expect him to try the guitar out with more than a held G chord. So I kinda get where he was coming from, but I guess your own insecurities about public playing stopped you from wailing on that nice new guitar in the shop! :)


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 KR2
(@kr2)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2725
 

Reading her introduction from Meet and Greet, she's 14 years old and had a few lessons on guitar in school . . .

this is her first guitar. I don't think she can wail on the guitar . . . yet . . . but she will be . . . someday.

It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.


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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 5468
 

You know sometimes Dads don't have all the answers, or phrase things incorrectly or have tons of stress dealing with things you have no idea about. Not that I'm condoning what he said. I don't know his or your situation, but I do know that if you can work it out with him or get to a level of peaceful coexistence you'll be happier.

It took me a long time to realize this with my Dad, but the only difference between the two of us is time. I remind my kids of that fact frequently.

Maybe he wanted to play an instrument, now he feels too old. Maybe he is too constrained by putting food on the table and keeping a roof over head to be able to do whatever it is he secretly always wanted to do.

I don't know. Do you?

Anyway, keep on playing and don't let anyone else's judgment, including his, stop you.


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(@clideguitar)
Reputable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 376
 

Maisie,
I look at it differently:

1) You have a father
2) He drove you to the guitar store

Bob Jessie


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(@stormymonday)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 436
 

Sounds like something my dad would say, and it would have been in a kidding/playful way. My guess is your pops was just messing with you a little bit and you got a little sensitive about it. It happens. And the fact that he said "You have to keep persevering" kind of makes it sound like he is trying to encourage you. Cut the old man some slack, I don't think he meant anything by it.


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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 5468
 

Sorry if I sounded like I was lecturing. I'm a Dad and far from perfect so I was speaking from my own perspective. I have no right to judge your situation. My apologies if that's what it sounded like.


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(@sin-city-sid)
Honorable Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 737
 

Put the guitar down, STUDY like hell, go to a good college and get AWAY from your Dad as far as possible. Get your own place and practice without having to show him a thing.

You know NEZTOK, there is the possibilty that the kid needs to be pushed a bit and dad knows it or maybe as stated above, the dad was poking fun of her.


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