iv got writers block at the moment...
i wrote 16 songs in a year...and 1 song in the last 4 months
*violins start playing sob tunes in background*
:lol:
but whinging aside, this is the one song (i dont really like the title so if youve got any ideas throw them at me)
Alive
What a view, the stars are hiding in full view
A perfect night, liquid silver eyed moon
Mirrored below on the ground our lights
Each on the site, of love and of life
It's a perfect night outside, I'm alone, but I'm fine
Watching the world pass me by
It's a cool breeze that blows through me as I lay on the ground
Quiet conversation, of leaves not yet taken is the only sound here
As winters chill brings the smoky wood haze
The scent of the fires mark, the end of the day
It's a perfect night outside, I'm alone, but I'm fine
Watching the world pass me by, goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
It's a perfect night outside, we're alone, but we're fine
Watching the world pass us by
Why don't we just sit outside, under starlight?
Watching our lives thrive, we're alive
We're alive
We're alive
We're alive
We're alive
What a view, the stars are hiding in full view…
harry
coleclark
When I read this I was a bit confused ..
What a view, the stars are hiding in full view ???
What a view all the stars are shineing
A perfect night, liquid silver eyed moon
A perfect night will there be a silver lineing
Mirrored below on the ground our lights
Mirrored from below our ground lights
Each on the site, of love and of life
so now the opening reads
What a view all the stars are shineing
Perfect night will there be a silver lineing
Mirrored from below our ground lights
Each on the site, of love and of life
To me reads alot better ..
Of course this is just my opinion
Trev
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
really nice. are you describing australia? sounds a bit like new york. where ever it is, sounds like a sight to visit.
favorite line: What a view, the stars are hiding in full view
if you don't mind, could you explain that whole verse?:
What a view, the stars are hiding in full view
A perfect night, liquid silver eyed moon
Mirrored below on the ground our lights
Each on the site, of love and of life
as for titles, well, you mention stars alot so maybe Starlight, Silver Starlight, Silver Stars, Stars Hiding in Full View, Hiding in Full View...
stars hiding in full view = non sequitur
doesn't work for me. threw me off. like the rest though
"Nothing happens until something moves."
Albert Einstein
"What a view, the stars are hiding in full view".....seems that line is throwing everyone off. I've heard the phrase "hiding in plain view" - when something's so obvious you don't notice it's there - many a time, is that the imagery you were after? The double use of "view" seems a little clumsy....maybe something like vista or panorama would work better?
On the whole, good use of imagery, some nice lines....but there are places where certain lines seem at odds with each other.
"It's a perfect night outside, I'm alone, but I'm fine"....I get this image of someone at peace with the world, lying back looking at the stars, maybe, in a little haven of peace and tranquility......
"Watching the world pass me by, goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye".......now it reads like a suicide note.
There's a point in every song where you have to ask yourself: does this imagery work? do I get the point of the song across? With the lines I've highlighted above, I'd have to say I'm not sure.....
Like I said, the imagery's fine - but you have to decide what the song wants to be. Maybe work on it some more, it's got potential.
And coleclark - if you want to improve your writing, and maybe get past your writer's block, try the SSG forum - a different topic every week to write a song about. Some weeks you'll come up with something good, some weeks maybe a couple of good lines.....but it's a great way to practise. Look forward to reading more from you!
Writer's block? Hell I haven't written anything for about 3 weeks - I really can't remember the last time that happened, but maybe sometimes you just need a break.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
ok....explanations...
i was sitting on the bonnet of my car at a high lookout looking over hte city of toowoomba (regional qld, australia) on a perfectly clear night, its one of my favourite things to do. i dont really know what the first line means, i just like the sound of it, seems a bit abstract and it grabbed everyones attention so it worked...
the lights of all the houses looked like a reflection of all the stars in the sky, and i was thinking how we have our whole lives, and its summed up by one tiny dot of light. just seemed like an amazing moment realising it.
liquid silver eyed moon in just poetic licence, why say something boring when you can pep it up?
im alone and im fine means that you can be alone and still be happy, when did we all decide you have to be inlove to be happy?
goodbye...im not really sure...my ex gielfreind just moved overseas and this is kind of an affirmation song that everything will keep going anyway, that what seems a huge thing is just a tiny dot in life
all in all, all deep stuff aside, (which really comes after youve written it then analyse your physcology) its just a happy simple song about a beautiful crisp night under the stars. and trying to give the listener a view of why i love it (note second verse)
The first line really ruins the entire thing.
you really think? hmmm il think about what i might be able to replace it with
What a view, the stars are showing in full view
:P
I love analogies or whatever you wanna call them in songs...but that one just didn't work. If you can come up with a good one, use it, but meh, that one was kinda lame IMO. Sorry if it's a little harsh. But that's what these boards are for, ya know? Just trying to help.
nah thats fine thanks
