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Can you guys rate this song for me?

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(@diluted_metal)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter  

You dont know

You don't know what
You don't know why
You don't know what I did
You don't know why I want to Die-

The pain I feel is more than real
That's the reason why I kill
Consolidate the reasons why I hate!
Please- don't try to infiltrate-

You don't know what
You don't know why
You don't know what I did
You don't know why I want to Die-

Please don't wonder why I did this
I will not ask for forgiveness
I will stand and face my fear
I will speak my mind all to hear!

Please don't wonder why I did this
I will not ask for forgiveness
I will stand and face my fear
I will speak my mind all to hear!

You don't know what
You don't know why
You don't know what I did
You don't know why I want to Die-

Please forget about me
Please don't think I didn't want this to be
Please don't think I meant to hurt you
Please remember that I'll always love you.

I'm sick of lying
I'm sick of trying
I'm sick of always crying
I'm sick of hurting you
Always messing up with what I do

You don't know what
You don't know why
You don't know what I did
You don't know why I want to Die-

I love Slipknot, Korn, System of a Down, Ill Nino, Fear Factory, Statc-X, Machine Head, Mudvayne, DevilDriver and South Africa's greatest metal band Seether.


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

hi there

well the subject matter is very disturbing to me ( don't be offended ) I'm guessing heavy rock sort of music with big guitar sols in there and a very bassy song .

would love to hear it before making any suggestions though

as it written here I like it

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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 Gino
(@gino)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 72
 

Oh no.............

More death, doom, destruction and despair.

I've heard this 100,000 times. Why not throw some expletives in there too?

BIG yawn.

I say and write what I'm thinking, then wish I hadnt.
My only redeeming feature is that I'm honest.


   
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(@gunslinger)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 345
 

I'd actually like to hear this to see how it works out with music. I can place the sound somewhere between Anthrax and Saliva when I'm trying to put something to it, but some things just didnt seem to flow quite right, although I'm no authority in the matter.

Our songs also have the standard pop format: Verse, chorus, verse, chorus, solo, bad solo. All in all, I think we sound like The Knack and the Bay City Rollers being molested by Black Flag and Black Sabbath.

Kurt Cobain


   
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(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 367
 

Kinda looks like a mudvyne song (which is a compliment!) I liked it because it showed emotion on some different levels, ones that aren't positive like most of the stuff. It seemed (no offense) like amature writing. This is how I was when I first started posting here. I went from writing like Fred Durst (a moron) to writing like Corey Taylor (a lyrical god). I highly incourage you to keep posting songs and even attempt to do the sunday song writers assingments.

I also see a lot of people posting around guitarnoise that they aren't hard rockers, so if you do feel intimidated feel free to post your songs to me in a private message because I'm all for headbanging and i can help you out if ya want.

Welcome to the forums and keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
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(@sjboller)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 61
 

Hmm ... you know what .. I'm giving this a different look ... you know what it kind of reminds me off ... or at least what I think it could sound like and sound good ..

Almost sounds kind of like something Fear Factory would do ...

You know ... the heavy headbangin' verse .. followed the really melancholic chorus that could almost sound like it belonged to an orchestral piece .. or something.

Is this how you sing the song ... extreme dynamics between the verse and the chorus?

Just curious ...


   
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 edd
(@edd)
Eminent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 13
 

I think personally its going to have a guitar song,that means a very load guitar head banging thing, your voice will have to be load if you are playing this sort of song but your guitar will have to be incredibly load

:D


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

Nope - this line doesn't work

Please forget about me

Mass murderers don't want to be forgotten - IMHO - and don't get to be forgotten because once they've had their 15 minutes of fame every subsequent mass murderer gets compared to them in some way shape or form.

So, I'd change that line to

"You're not allowed to forget about me" - or something like that

and I think I'd go for more of the "sticking two fingers up at the world" approach.

Best,

A :-)
(The hard-rockin' classical guitarist)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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(@diluted_metal)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter  

This is like one of the first songs i wrote, (pretty kuck!) so to get the idea of what the song would sound like, listen to the song archetyp by Fear Factory.

The chorus of this song is sung like the chorus of archetyp and the verse of this song is sung like the verse of archetyp.

:D

I love Slipknot, Korn, System of a Down, Ill Nino, Fear Factory, Statc-X, Machine Head, Mudvayne, DevilDriver and South Africa's greatest metal band Seether.


   
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(@nolongerme)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 475
 

yeah i'm guessing this sounds something like Slipknot, Korn, System of a Down, Ill Nino, Fear Factory, Statc-X, Machine Head, Mudvayne or DevilDriver.


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

"The chorus of this song is sung like the chorus of archetyp and the verse of this song is sung like the verse of archetyp. "

Fair enough, you want to get that sound....but I would suggest changing it a little so it doesn't sound like a blatant rip-off.....

Use different chords, experiment....hell, try finger-picking the chords you have in mind on acoustic....

As for the song, you manage to get your point across....I don't know most of the bands referenced/compared to above, but that's probably because I'm pushing 50 and listen to mostly classic rock.....

But....it's your song, if you're happy with it, mes with it until you've got it right....like AG said, serial killers WANT to be noticed.....

Play around with it a little, see if you can make any changes that make the song stronger without diluting the message....

And take no notice of anyone who says "all been done before" - doesn't mean it can't be done again, but better....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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 spug
(@spug)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 26
 

Hey, i can definatly see this being done by fear factory, or even static x type song. I've looked at some of your other songs too and it's awesome that you stick with the heavy metal aspect because as everyone knows rock and metal are the only kind of music. Keep up the good work.

Got Metal?


   
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(@relapse)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 3
 

Very anrgy. influenced by the right kind of music to go with the lyrics. you may get a decent tune out of it.


   
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(@crank-n-jam)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 1206
 

I just kicked a dog after reading that. :)

Just kidding. I liked it. With some Fear Factory type music going with it, it would work nicely.

Jason

"Rock And Roll Ain't Noise Pollution"


   
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