completely rough needs lots of WORK

this is an excelllent rough draft each stanza expressses the subject very well, and each thought, and each though is presented independently, if not completely

no line really stands out as being horrible, but, lines like

"you're the only one
for me i'll never leave"

this line is like a contraction for a complete thought, depending on where you place your rests, this could get through to a listener well

1. pause after "you're the only one", 2.after "never"

there's, of course, other ways to do it, but that would work well

great writing, write more for this one if you can

nice work chad,
the only thing i would add to what snoogans wrote is in the first two lines you've got love written twice. typically it not a good idea to have a word repeated close together except to rhyme, or to tie to lines together (last word in line one, first word in line two), or if the rhythm or melody emphasises 'love' in both lines. otherwise, personally i would get rid of love in the second line.

i'm in love with a girl
and i tell her so

something like that.
aside from that, very nice writing, look forward to seeing where this goes :)
sozay

Hi, Chad,

There's a section with six lines, and all the others have five. Is that meant to be treated as a bridge, or did you just go a line too long there?

Best,

A :-)

i was definently thinkin' of the bridge when i wrote that series. I'm having trouble writing music to this what kind of song do you guy's think this is? i was thinkin slower and minor chords and scales but i'm not really sure just wanted to know what everyone thought?And thank you for the replies i will try to write more to this and take all of it into consideration.

Hi chad, Cool song. At first it left me wondering why dosnt he trust her. Then after reading a few times I see its just him. Here is a suggestion for the second verse. Keep or Sweep. keep writing Nite......

if i lost her i know
where i'd be
crawling 6 feet under
all the weight of dirt
Resting In Peace