Skip to content
Dangerous Gypsy...p...
 
Notifications
Clear all

Dangerous Gypsy...pls critique

6 Posts
3 Users
0 Reactions
977 Views
(@virgel-cane)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

I need some help on this one. The last verse sounds kinda comical, it wasn't my intension. And anything else you feel that needs correction or alterations please feel free to give me your opinion(s).
Thanks,
Virg

ps. it's a true story

DANGEROUS GYPSY
Virgel Cane (2004)

(G) I was her (D) lover, for (Em) just one (Bm) Summer
(C) She kissed me and (D) slowly walked (G) away
(G) How many (D) years (Em) before these (Bm) tears
(C) Will let me (D) see the (G) day

CHORUS:
(D) Dangerous (Em) gypsy,
(D) Dangerous (Em) gypsy,
(C) Let my (D) sprit go, (G)
(C) Let my (D) shadow (G) show

I see you in stores, catch your scent outdoors
Desire and hope race and burn
My heart jumps pace, she turns her face
Once again I'm left to yearn

CHORUS:

It must have been right, there's not cause for spite
But I could never let you in again
I'm no rut rider or pain strider
But your still knockin' on my brain

CHORUS: (softly to mute)


   
Quote
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hi Virgel

Hey I like this a lot you said "The last verse sounds kinda comical,"

I was thinking if you added a bridge before the the last verse it might be what you need , just a suggestion

thats my 5 cents worth

have a great christmas

cheers

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
ReplyQuote
 XXXX
(@xxxx)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 21
 

Hi Virgel

Hey I like this a lot you said "The last verse sounds kinda comical,"

I was thinking if you added a bridge before the the last verse it might be what you need , just a suggestion

thats my 5 cents worth

have a great christmas

cheers
I AGREE WITH THE KING ( LOL )

Yeah Baby Yeah


   
ReplyQuote
(@virgel-cane)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

Thanks Guys!

Hey, how/what is a bridge? Is it like a chorus only different?


   
ReplyQuote
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

a bridge basically ties the verse and chorus together i:e :

CHORUS:

Bridge :

( something like this )
why did you go
my life has become so slow
why did you go
tell me why
tell me why

It must have been right, there's not cause for spite
But I could never let you in again
I'm no rut rider or pain strider
But your still knockin' on my brain

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
ReplyQuote
(@virgel-cane)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
Topic starter  

Thanks loto King.

I still do have a question though.

Could I add a solo between the chorus and verse to ack as a bridge?


   
ReplyQuote