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Dear Unknown

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(@guitarriff06)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2
Topic starter  

Hi,
This is my first time posting one of my songs, so I hope you all like it. This song is not the greatest one I have written, but I was hoping for some feedback on how I could make it better. Please leave any comments that you have. Thanks.

Dear unknown
I'm writing to you, but you don't know me
I hear the story today
They told me everything
I just want you to know
It's ok
You did what you had to
What you thought was best
But that just doesn't
It doesn't explain the rest

Chorus

Do you ever think about me
Wonder what I've become
Am I your only daughter
Do you have any sons
Are you happy with the life that you lead
Do you ever wonder
Wonder about me

Verse 2

Do I get my green eyes
From my dad
Is my fear of heights
Something you once had
When you walk down the street
Do you look for my face
Or am I a memory that you erased
I have all these questions
And so many more

Chorus

Do you ever think about me
Wonder what I've become
Am I your only daughter
Do you have any sons
Are you happy with the life that you lead
Do you ever wonder
Wonder about me

Verse 3

Adn this goes (this goes)
Deeper than I knew
The hurt, the pain
Wondering about you
I'm sure you have a family
That you're happy now
All I want to know
Do you think of me too

Chorus

Do you ever think about me
Wonder what I've become
Am I your only daughter
Do you have any sons
Are you happy with the life that you lead
Do you ever wonder
Wonder about me

Sincerly,
Me

In case anyone is wondering the song is about being adopted. I know some people that have read it before got confused on that. Once again any comments are appreciated. Thanks. :)

-Erica


   
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(@snoogans775)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 297
 

I thought it was pretty clear, you uses the chorus over(which is well written and collects the song very nicely) and that really clarified it for me.

I wish there were more verses though, you don't even have to stick to the format of verse-chorus etc. it would be nice if you stuck some more in.

It looks like a great musical piece, it would go well with a song, but it is a poem right now.

I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!


   
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(@dragona43)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 34
 

I think you should add a bridge and another verse or two....it's really good, keep it up :shock: i love that face

ie an'tce eakspe igpe atinle!!
the first legal high is spinning around!!


   
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(@dragona43)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 34
 

i wish i had more to say but i don't i like it, so instead i'm urging all you people who are reading this to please reply cuz this songs got like a billion reads and like three replies so far, i would b incredibly bored right now peeps :shock: i love that face
peace out
ME

ie an'tce eakspe igpe atinle!!
the first legal high is spinning around!!


   
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