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Exterior ---> okay, so my last song sucked

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(@x_gyllenhaalic_x)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter  

Okay, my last song, Holding On, kinda sucked so here is a new one. The night I wrote Holding On, I was tried, worried and stressed with my site so I couldn't think straight and the lyrics came messed up. Any way, here is my new song, Exterior. It's about a girl who is different from others, a loner, and people judge her. Here it is:

Exterior

(Spoken); People don't get me… so they judge me… don't… ‘Cause I'm exterior

(Sung)
The days of freedom were gone,
As the rain turned to blood,
And the lights were no more.
All that was left was sadness,
A bitter little darkness,
That only I saw.

The coldness burnt my skin,
And it froze me.
My heart is barried in ice,
And I can never be free.

Chorus:
‘Cause I'm exterior.
Left outside to scare.
‘Cause I'm exterior.
No one will care.
I'm exterior.

Have no friends,
No, they have all gone and
I have no social life.
I would almost never lie,
And I would never change my looks,
By going under the knife.

I lay in bed,
Sinking in sorrows.
Dreading,
For the beginning for tomorrow.

This isn't fair!
Don't judge me this way!
Oh… this isn't fair!
I just wanna say

Chorus

Take a chance with me.
I can show you things never seen before.
Take a chance to know me.
Or I'll kick you out of the door!

Chorus (2 xs)

I'm exterior! I'm exterior! I'm exterior!

IIIIIIIIIIIIII'mmmm

Spoken: Exterior

Jake Gyllenhaal/my oh my/your so cute/you make me sigh! I <3 JAKE!


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

hi ya

I don't think this sucks as you say but it has some really good lines in here , but unfortuneately they don't flow smooth enough for me .

sorry I think if you sit down and read this again and you'll see what I mean .

for instance :

The coldness burnt my skin,
And it froze me.
My heart is barried in ice,
And I can never be free.

I might have said it like this :

the coldness burns my skin
it freezes me
my heart is buried in ice
when will i ever be free

this is only my opinion and what I reckon
I'm sure others will have different opinions
to me

cheers

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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