first time i ever wrote lyrics. i was hoping people can tell me what they think about this.
"Just What I Need"
Never thought I'd meet you someday
Thinking you were just imagination.
Inside of me I know you're needed
To pull me from isolation.
First time we spoke
I felt connection
Had a feeling you were the one
it just pointed in that direction.
You are just what I need
I'm Telling you
You are just what I need
I know I should be with you
but it's hard when it ain't possible
It seems like someone else has you
There is nothing I can do.
You are just what I need
I'm telling you
You are just what I need.
yes i know, very cheesy. but it's my first
"Those who dream by night, in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that all was vanity; but dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, and make it possible.
Cheesy? Hmmm - maybe a mild cheddar, but not exactly a ripe Limburger. Maybe a little cliche'd - but as you write more, you'll learn to avoid those cliches.
Whenever I'm reading someone's lyrics, I try to put them to music in my head - or at least put a rhythm to them. In this verse/section, it's almost as if there's a line missing....
"First time we spoke
I felt connection
Had a feeling you were the one
it just pointed in that direction."
The first two lines are shorter than the preceding four, and the following two. "First time we spoke, I felt connection" is long enough for one line on its own.
Maybe something like,
"First time we ever (met?) spoke,
I felt (or "I could feel") a strong connection
Had a feeling you were the one
I was drawn to your direction."
Obviously, without music - or a hint of what style/genre you're aiming at - I'm only guessing....but overall, I'd say all you need is to go back over your work, polish it up a little, and watch your tenses (a common fault - here you've got "thought" - past tense - followed by "thinking" - present tense, where repeating "thought" would be better English, and add emphasis.)
Nothing at all to be ashamed of here - a solid foundation to work on, "work" being the operative word! You've worked hard on your guitar playing (and it shows - your playing's pretty good) the last few years - if you want to write songs, work on your songwriting the same way. Never be satisfied with your first draft - go over it and think, is there anything I can change here? Am I getting my point across? Are my rhymes natural, or forced? Write, read, edit - then keep doing it till you're satisfied.
Looking forward to more.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
