First song and I need some help!

hey this is pretty good. I'd just like to say that the first two verses are def my favorite.

For the lines that you'd like to change, just wait for the right time. put down the song for awhile, if you need to. then one day, put yourself in the mood, and see what you can come up with for those lines.

For the guitar part, start learning some new chords and such. I'm not sure if you know your bar chords from what you said, but those are a must. You can use all kinds of bar chords, sevenths, minors, majors, and such. Get to know these. Then figure out which key your song is in based on your notes, and then match them to the right chords. That'll take some time though, so you better get on it.
good luck!

Thanks Frank!

Appreciate the advice! I tried to learn bar chords a few times and never stuck with it. I don't play in a band or anything, pretty much just play for myself, family and friends so it never seemed that important. Wish I had taken the time now to learn it, maybe one day.

sure thing man
theres tons of helpful lessons here so just look around

maybe a riff through the verse would suit the tune in your head better? sometimes strumming doesnt suit everything

maybe a riff through the verse would suit the tune in your head better? sometimes strumming doesnt suit everything

Maybe, I'm not sure what it needs. I don't really know enough about it which is why I thought I'd ask you guys. Maybe someone that likes country music will play around with it and see what they think. I like the melody I have in my head and wish I could play it on the guitar that way, but another melody would be fine if I could find one that I like. I think I need to learn more about music before I write another song, or figure out a melody and then do the lyrics for it. But I think I'll leave song writing up to people that are good at it and just enjoy playing there music. :wink:

Thanks for your input, I appreciate it!

For me, harmonizing a melody is always the easy part, and making up a decent melody to fit a chord progression (or fit anything for that matter) is the hard part.
By way of a start, I would recommend transcribing the vocal melody, then transpose it into some good "guitar keys." I'd probably go for G major or C major. Then you can start playing around with chords.
In the following section, I am going to speak as though the chord progression already exists, waiting to be discovered rather than created. Obviously this is not true, but harmonizing a normal diatonic melody is not the most creative process. Give 5 musicians a hymn tune and you'll probably get 5 rather similar harmonizations, up to substitutions , which I'll discuss later. Also, the next section will refer to a melody in a major key. I may or may not write more about minor stuff.

For most "normal" melodies you get one freebie. The tonic chord (for instance G major in the key of G) probably (not certainly) works well at the beginning. Also, right before the melody repeats, a good bet is that the dominant (V, D in the case of G major) or subdominant (IV, C in the case of G major) will work well. In the middle it's harder to say. Unless the progression just consists of I, IV and V (and there's nothing wrong with that--there have been plenty of big hits and recognized masterpieces written with just those three), there will probably be a minor chord somewhere in the middle. If the melody includes, try out chords that include those notes and see how they fit.

Another way of thinking about this, in a more creative sense, is in terms of harmonic function, which I am going to try my hand at talking about in the only way I really understand it--obscenely simplified. Hopefully if I'm too far off Noteboat will jump in and save the day. The most important chords in a major key are I, IV, and V (tonic, subdominant, dominant). Tonic functions as "home," a more or less neutral jumping off point and final destination. The dominant functions as "away"--it introduces a sense of of distance, but it also a sort of tension leading back to the tonic. The third of the dominant chord is one semitone below the tonic (in notes: the third of D major is F#, one half step below G), and this "leading tone" effect kind of pulls you back to the tonic from the dominant. The progression V-I is very emphatic and strong. The subdominant functions as "away" as well, sharing only one note with the tonic, but it doesn't have that pull factor. If you play G and then D, your mind wants to hear G. Play G and then C, and you could really go anywhere. That said, if you do head from subdominant back to tonic, it feels very gentle, not strong and emphatic like the dominant does. The IV-I cadence is often associated with sighing or bliss, and is the cadence of choice for the word Amen at the end of many hymns. It has a peaceful quality.

Now that you know what the three big chords do (vaguely), you can figure out the rest of the chords by seeing what they are equivalent to. A minor is the relative minor of C major. B minor is the relative minor of D major. E minor is the relative minor of G major. So, we would say that, in the key of G, the chords G and Em have tonic function, C and Am have subdominant function, and D and Bm have dominant function. F#dim is the last chord "in" the key of G, but isn't used that much in popular music.

So, in short, if you have your vocal melody in G major, try starting on G. If the end of the melody is tender and soft, try ending the progression with C -G. Majestic and strong melody? Try ending the progression with D -G. In between, if you want to have some drama, throw in D major for tension but then go somewhere else. D - Em is what is known as a deceptive cadence, and is a very tricky and fun thing to do. The D sets you up for G, but you go to the relative minor instead.

I've been rambling, but I really love harmonizing stuff, and trying to parse out what the chords actually do. If you'd like help with this process, you could post the melody, either as a recording or in some form of notation (standard notation or guitar tab work fine, just as long as you give a sense of note duration with the latter). At the very least, I could transcribe it to a good key for you and give you something to work with. If you'd like, I could try harmonizing it myself, and we could compare notes.

As for the lyrics, I'll agree they need work, but they are undeniably sincere, which is a huge advantage. In terms of rhyme, you've made a wise choice in choosing to just rhyme 2 lines of every four, but you need to mix the rhymes up a little, or at least the rhyme words. It's generally a little tiresome to hear a word rhymed with itself (in this case "you" in the chorus) or two stanzas using the same rhyme words ("are" and "guitar" in the first two stanzas). I don't have recommendations for what to change, but I think you need more rhyme sounds.

What I think is most promising about this song is the connection with the subject of the song through the guitar. The idea of remembering the feeling of a heartbeat through the resonating back of a guitar is quite powerful, but it doesn't come out right. In particular, "I keep your heart close to me / Inside this old guitar" has some shades of Edgar Allan Poe you probably don't want.

My recommendation is that you kind of start from scratch with this one, if you can stand it. The heartbeat/guitar stuff is really original and interesting, and while the rest is certainly bittersweet as all hell, you border dangerously on cliche. Think about that connection. In what ways is it comforting, in what ways saddening? I'm struck by the idea that by plucking the strings you are in a sense making her heart beat, reanimating her. Under this interpretation, finishing the song you are playing is a loss in itself. I'm sorry if I'm projecting my own emotional makeup onto your song, but I think there is tremendous poetic potential there if you are interested in developing it.

So in short, regarding the lyrics, I'll be blunt: the words themselves don't do much for me, and most of the things the words say are not especially interesting. That said, the emotional mood you construct is compelling, and the heartbeat/guitar connection is fascinating. I would definitely not give up, but I think you might want to rethink a lot of the lyrics.

And I'd love to hear (or see) the melody. Pardon the length of this post.

jewtemplar

Thanks for all the info! I think I understood most of it,lol. Like I said before, I really don't know much about music, I just like to sing and (try) to play the guitar. I appreciate your honesty too, that's what I needed to know. My wife loved the song but she knows less about music then I do which is why I asked here. I enjoyed writing this song but I doubt if I'll try it again, just doesn't sound like I have what it takes to be a good writer. It sounds like you know what your talking about so I'll try your suggestions and see what I can come up with. Thanks again!