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First Song In A Long Time

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(@stefhy)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 67
Topic starter  

Ok, well I've been having writers block something terrible, and been too busy to really worry about it unfortunately. Anyway, the song I wrote just a minute ago, definately still needs work as it's a little bit too repititious for my liking; however I don't want to get rid of all the reptition, as it is also something I like - as it really makes the point of my song stand out. I don't know how to write the rest of it. I think the biggest problem here is putting my love into words. Is it possible??? lol Anyway, here it is. Any words of advice to get out of this writing block, or maybe just to fix up my song (or add to it) a little would be greatly appreciated. Thankyou all :)

Title?

For once in my life, I can feel the air I breathe.
I can walk on the ground knowin' I'll stay strong.
For the first time I've known, I feel so free.
With you in my heart,nothin's gonna go wrong.

You've lead me to the heaven I feel
You've lead me to a dream come true
You've lead me to the heaven I feel
And everything I've wished for is here

(chorus)
You give me, my reason to be
-My angel from above.
You are the reason I see,
The reason I believe in love

I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.


   
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(@death_to_theory)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 78
 

another verse and chorus would be fantastic, but besides that its amazing...I really enjoyed it. Sorry but I dont know what to add im not really in the mood for a love song but it was still amazing nice job


   
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(@margaret)
Noble Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 1675
 

If I understand correctly, the last paragraph is what you've indicated is the chorus.

I'm wondering if the previous part (You've lead me to......) should be the chorus instead. I like the repetition and the words there the best. Nice song!

Margaret

When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~


   
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(@stefhy)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 67
Topic starter  

Thankyou both for your kind words. To reply to your idea margaret, I have to agree with you. I thought about that myself when I first wrote it. However, I'm sorry to say, that I haven't been finding any time to write anymore, and I actually forgot about this song - thus I haven't gotten anywhere, and have nothing added to it. As it is, it's just wrotting in my drawer, just as my other ones; but I really appreciate the comments and your thoughts - somewhat of a confidence boost :P... Best wishes. -Stefhy

I know it wasn't reason,
That made me do what wasn't right
but sometimes my heart falls prone
to the nature of your spite.


   
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(@bluenotefla)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 76
 

I really love this and this would make a great song.

Sing like no one can hear you.
Dance like no one is watching.
Love like you've never been hurt.

In the one you posted you might conceder adding more verses It is very good and I would love to hear it . It feels like it could have some wonderful accompaniment like strings and key boards may be flute.

Life is not what you did. It's what you are doing.


   
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(@cooker)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 112
 

het stefhy...i like this..don`t know what you had in mind but i thought it should be up tempo via a blues progression as in shedding the blues and a new love making you happy...i used E A B7 and C#m A on the bridge/chorus...not sure which should be what..i think you have a good start but you need some more material..also at first glance and messing with this this came to mind For once in my life, I can feel the air I breathe.
I can walk on the ground knowin' I'll stay strong.
For the first time I've known, I feel so free.
With you in my heart,nothin's gonna go wrong.

I thought about swapping line 2 for 3 and rewrite it a little, maybe "its been a long time since i have felt so free"
then line 2 as the 3rd and followed by "with you holding me up i cant fall down"..
just a thought...I sometimes do this when i.m stuck...try writing the same "thing" by using different words or describing it just a little differently...this way you can ramble on about the same topic of your "story" and drive the point home without becoming redundant...i hate it when i,ve expressed all my thoughts in one verse or chorus...i have many of those "songs"
I did this on your song and came up with a few lines..but you will be able to do it on your own...
I like the second paragraph as chorus...and a tiltle "You Lead Me"
take my input with a grain of salt...hope this helps...let me know if you add some more to it...cooker

You can sleep when you`re dead!
"and baby all you need...is just a little more love"


   
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