first song..what do u think?

It's not dodgy at all! It is a very good start. You will find you are going to edit songs plenty of times and remember everything I say is just a suggestion. It's your song and you can do whatever you want with it! One trick I use which I don't know if this is a good thing to do or not, is to read through the song several times and just say it out loud. If something feels awkward to say and doesn't flow naturally, I try and edit it. I try to get my verses to have a fluidity to them - just something to keep in mind.

head on a glass window,
behind it lie my fears,
reflected by a mirror,
enlarged it blinds me,
so i cant see,

This really has no rhyme scheme or meter which will make it rather difficult to put to a decent melody. I also am not exactly sure at what kind of imagery you are going for - is the window acting as a mirror (as they do sometimes) or is there a window and a mirror? Some songs have intangible lyrics but here you are being descriptive in how your fears affect you. You want the person to be able to visualize what you are saying. One other possible change is the word 'thing' in the first verse. I dunno, maybe it's all my teachers through the years always saying 'don't use the word thing' coming back but you really have a chance to throw in a strong word here to express how empty your life is - Not saying your life is empty, just a comment on how to make the song more effective. EDIT: Just thought about it. Maybe you can leave 'thing' in, if sung with frustration, almost as if you are so unsure of what is missing the only way to express what your looking for is with the word thing. This in turn would make 'thing' into a powerful word instead of being vague.

It's quite alright,
to sit and cry,
im numb to it,
to you,
all thats left to do,
is cry
but in time,
justwait,
i'll fly,

Songs are really just poetry and how you use your punctuation effects how others read them. I was originally going to say this has an awkward meter as well but this is more how I see these lines:

It's quite alright, to sit and cry,
im numb to it, to you,
all thats left to do is cry
but in time just wait, i'll fly

The second two lines rhyme but not the first two. This is my suggestion: As for meter, you can drop the word 'quite.' I don't like the double use of cry here. Maybe it should be "It's alright to sit and do something else," and perhaps the 'something else' will rhyme with 'you' in the next line. Is that confusing?

This life i liveis on repeat,
like a setting i adjust,
every day's the same,
boring and robust,
round like clockwork,
thoughts spin in my brain,
i pray this life of mine i live,
doesnot drive me insane...

I like the second verse a lot. However, robust means vigorous and full of strength/life. I don't think that is the word you are looking for. In the name of rhyming, maybe you could change the 'like a setting I adjust' line. You are saying everyday is the same, so it isn't a setting you adjust. Maybe you could say something more like you have no control to change it. Then from there you can find a word to replace robust. I am not big on repeating phrases unless they are purposefully done for effect so from this line, "I pray this life of mine I live," I would remove the I live. It works in the first line of the second verse but is just overly wordy here.

Don't let all my comments intimidate you. Your song is good and is just the first one. This is the beginning and it can be tough to express how you feel effectively and concisely. Trust me, I know, I am not sure I did a decent job at explaining my suggestions. It also can be difficult to sit back and get an objective look at your own work.

Happy writing,
Purple

Hi kathryn,

Thought I'd drop in a small thought about your song myself. A lot of what I feel has been covered by purple already.
Without hearing you sing this, I won't comment on the meter.

I really enjoyed this part,
It's quite alright,
to sit and cry,
im numb to it,
to you,
all thats left to do,
is cry
but in time,
justwait,
i'll fly,

though I agree with purple on the double use of cry (I like the first line alot though, I'd rather see you change "all that's left to do, is cry" instead) Also, I'm not overly fond of the "just wait, I'll fly" either, I feel that line has been used too many times and is something of a cliche. I think something else would fit better (sorry for not coming with any suggestions)

Anyways, purple did a good job on his comments and you've done a good job so far on your first song. I hope you'll post the rewrite if you choose to edit, always nice to see a song come along

:)
-man(still on nightshift...)

7cookka...howdy first of all...good job....Purple and Man said most of what I would have said..(by the way Kristian I didn`t forget about you)....but I would add this...in the first verse perhaps you could have used "more" words to to describe what it is you wish to say...ie. fallin` asleep....leaning my...riding a greyhound etc. that may help with the meter and flow and not make it too poemy..(is that a word?)..choppy... and two...the two descriptive words ,boring and robust...hmmmmm...again it confuses the reader...you don`t tell us enough of the WHY you chose those words...work on not being affraid of breaking down your thoughts a little further...as Purple said he didnt think that was what you were looking for(robust)...but if you think of it in the context of every day life ,we all have good moments and bad whether we are ready when they come or not...life can be a grind even on good days sort of thing...enough of me..best and welcome cooker...

Greetings,
finding a way to express my thoughts and emotions took several years of writing every day for me and I'm still just a pupil learning to write with passionate, colorful,unique,interesting,imaginative or even morbid words. Purple mentioned punctuation and meter and I am the worst at punctuation thats why I write more songs than poetry. But to give you an example of the advice purple is giving you read the poem ALONE by Edgar Allen Poe. Read it. Feel it. Imagine it. Study how it flows. Then write it out on paper into sentences as the punctuation dictates and you will see the unseen. I understood the overall feeling of your lyric and i could picture soome of the things in my mind and at times in my life, I have felt the same way. So you are on the "write" road now you must travel until you find a path to make your own. Good job and good luck!
psychohillbilly