First Timer

hey bleaseyhighflyer.

i really liked the lyrics. they are very thoughtful.

just one thing kind of caught me. some of the lines are longer than the others. but i assume you have them all timed out if you have the guitar stuff for it. just reading through it kind of threw off the rythm for me with some lines a little longer. but like i said before, the lyrics are very thoughtful.

another thing that caught me was that you didn't have a bridge. i find that the bridge ties the whole song together and then ending with a chorus reminds the audience of the song. but thats just me. i've had songs that are set up like yours. it was just a thought.

keep up with the writing.
*hailey*

Thanks *hailey*, its great to get positive feedback.

On your second point: the third verse is the bridge really, i just wasnt sure weather to call it the bridge because its not really in the right place. The tune changes and has a more minor feel than the other two verse, but after the third verse there is a long insturmental outro, with backing vocals, (a la "the great gig in the sky" - pink floyd) hence i have decided not to call the third verse the bridge. I may write a real brideg to fit in somewhere as it is a work in progress.

Thankyou very much...

bleaseyhighflyer,

I'm a beginner songwriter too so I don't know how much my opinion matters but this what I think. :)
I can give you some positive feedback.
I really love the poetry of your lyrics. Lines like,

"Insignificant as a broken light shining,
But it still burns your eyes."

And

"Time is slipping through the cut-throat jagged glass,
But with every glance at you it stops.."

It really gets a certain feeling across. Great job with this song. I hope it works out well for you.

Hey thanx a lot *Colour of the sky*!. I feel truely inspirierd by your comments.

Id like to see some of your lyrics some day, try and post some pn here, that would be great.

I worked for a while on this song, so its great to recieve promising results

Thanks again!

Very nice. I don't know why people want to box in ideas. the meter is fine. I don't blieve in structure. It can ruin the flow of a thought just as much as it can enhance it. This peice is very thought provoking. I'd like to think I totally know where your coming from, as anyone should. I don't wan't to ruin the poetry for anyone tho.

great song, nice and densely expressed throughout

I've always considered rhythm and meter important to aid the listener, people can register things with more ease if it's in a flowing format, this song is a great example of blank verse writing, it is very sperrataic in its attack but it is very easy to read, and should be easy to listen to also,

you can make someone happy or uncomftorable with the lyrics, but in order for either one(or any of the multitudes of emotion) to get it across in a song with music, it should be easy to comprehend