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Here's a Tear

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(@pearlthekat2)
Trusted Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 61
Topic starter  

Here is sort of a half baked song partly inspired by the recent death of Amy Winehouse. Let me know what you think...

Here's' a tear
wrapped for you
with a pretty pink bow
I give to you
Takes a lot to make me cry
I don't know why
People always said
You'd be dead
But how could you let them be right

Here's a tear
wrapped for you
it will go
into the sinkhole
that was my heart
go inside and you'll see
the pictures and the memories
You've now gone to heaven
dead at twentyseven


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

Looks good so far, although a little slapdash - there's no coherent rhyming pattern, although that may be deliberate - there are some rhymes, then when you're expecting the next one it isn't there.

Couple of lines I really like....

"Here's a tear
wrapped for you
it will go
into the sinkhole
that was my heart"

that's beautiful, BUT....I'm having a hard time putting any kind of rhythm to it.

Work on it, tidy it up a little - definitely got the beginnings of a good one here.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@pearlthekat2)
Trusted Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 61
Topic starter  

thanks for reading


   
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