Skip to content
Notifications
Clear all

I know loss

4 Posts
3 Users
0 Likes
1,153 Views
(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 367
Topic starter  

I Know Loss
I had a cigarette that shook while I lit it.
I lost a loved one that no one could understand.
My sight is still blurry. My eyes are still red.
“You look exhausted,” was all that you said.

You could never know.
You could never see.
Why I felt this way.
What is killing me.

The flame of my lighter shivered as well.
Tears of my memory slowly seeped down.
My anger only meant to just stay away.
I'm not thinking clearly, at least, not today.

You could never know.
You could never see.
Why I felt this way.
What is killing me.

I had a loved one that just came back.
But my fear still remains of losing again.
Last time it was my fault. And now I will protect.
I won't let an echo reflect from this mess.

You could never know.
You could never see.
Why I felt this way.
What is killing me.

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
Quote
 Mike
(@mike)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2892
 

I like the story, but the last verse makes me think too much.......... to the point of scattered thoughts.

To me, everything flowed great untill the end.

Do you know what I mean?

What do you think?


   
ReplyQuote
(@portia)
Reputable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 179
 

I liked this for the most part, but I too had some trouble with the last verse. The last two lines in particular didn't really seem natural to me.


   
ReplyQuote
(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 367
Topic starter  

Well the last verse is just explaining how it was my fault that I lost something I loved and how I will make it my duty to protect from now on. I know it's a bit choppy, but it was hard to write it differently. I'll try to improve on it and post it.

Thanks.

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
ReplyQuote