This is still in progress obviously becuase im stuck and i need help from someone..neone think they could help?
I will stand alone
In this f**ked up world
I don't want to live like the rest
I want to push my limits
I say f**k this world
and f**k the norm
You know s**t about me
so don't even f**king judge me
you should develop the rhyme scheme and the rhythm.
also, you need more material or detail.
why is the world kcufed up? how will you live your life, or push your limits? how do people judge you? how do they live? why? what should they do instead?
i don't know if you can write a better song by answering these questions, or if there's something else you'd do with it, but right now your song is very one dimensional.
the more you put into it, the more it will reveal to you.
why are you swearing in you song? just curious.
"i wish the world was made of chocolate"
[--Tyler Burkum--]
She's calling out to You, this is a call; this is a call out... [--Thousand Foot Krutch--]
More detail is definitely needed in this song, the cursing isnt neccesarily unwarranted but it seems so because there is so little space inbetween it. You might want to work on the rhyme scheme and the rhytyhm of the song, its kind of all over the place. It can be hard to see without the melody. You've got a good idea here but some technical things to work out. When i write, when Im inspireded or feeling the emotions of the song, i just keep writing until im done. I then go back and work on it, so dont give up on this!
"Do you serve a purpose, or purposely serve?" Corey Taylor
why are you swearing in you song? just curious
why not is the real question
But neway ya i know this was just kinda of out of no where kinda of thing..plus i've never really written a song like this before only about love, but thanks for ur input everyone
I like it love<3
<3 Jes
in future can please advise on swearing please .
I'm not a whinging old fool but please remember that children and women read our articles .
the lyrics on this piece do flow fairly well but like mentioned before more detail would enhance this
cheers
L.K:arrow:
Aghhhh
Not only am I a senior citizen
I'm now a bloody senior member
Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?
over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )
why not is the real question
I hate for you to feel like I'm piling on here, but since you asked, I can think of a couple of reasons for not swearing (or at least not as much).
I think that when a song, movie, standup routine, etc. is full of expletives, those words lose any impact they might have had. When I hear a bunch of dirty words in a song, I tend to tune out. When I here one dirty word where I wasn't expecting it, I take notice and wonder where did that come from? and why did the songwriter choose to use that word?
There's not one thing wrong with the lines you wrote or the message you're trying to convey, but the expletives don't add anything to your message. In fact I find them distracting.
Actually, when I read your lines with the swearing it feels like you're screaming in my face and I want to dismiss you and say "Get out of my face." But when I read the lines without the swearing, your anger feels like it's just beneath the surface which feels a lot more dangerous to me. Ultimately it all depends on the mood you're trying to convey.
Just my two cents. Keep on writing
