Skip to content
--->I'm a newbie...
 
Notifications
Clear all

--->I'm a newbie--->My first song; Hugs and Kisses

3 Posts
3 Users
0 Likes
851 Views
(@x_gyllenhaalic_x)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 31
Topic starter  

Hey, my name is Stephanie Jones, i'm 13 and I just got a guitar for my birthday. I also got a keyboard and I've already learnt 5 songs on the keyboard including 'Pieces Of Me' by Ashlee Simpson(You rock girl!). Anyway, I've always loved singing, and I was inspired by Delta Goodrem to make my own lyrics and by Ashlee Simspon for the type of genre of singing; Rock/Pop/Punk. Anyway, I have made my first song. It's about a girl that just got out of a long relationship and is trying to get over it. I've made about 5-7 songs and only ONE is about me. Because I've never had a relationship, I make my lyrics a bit like a story. Anyway, this was my FIRST song my made and so far, it's my favourite. Please post what you think about it and some comments on how I can improve it. Thanks! <3Stephanie. p.s: Here it is: Hugs and Kisses

Hugs and Kisses
[Verse One]
The rain is falling again.
Falling from the stars.
Each droplet hitting me,
Leaving invisible scars.

[Verse Two]
Letting you go,
Was harder than anything before.
So hard that you left me,
Running of the door.

Pain, my pain is hurting.
Shame, my shame is burning.

[Chorus]
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we were.
Fighting for each other,
Because I was sure.
That our love,
Will never part.
Hugs and kisses,
From my heart

[Verse Three]
Ask myself,
“What do I do?”
My thoughts are filled,
I think of you.

[Verse Four]
My feelings are leaving,
I feel cold and hurt.
I feel like falling,
Lying in the dirt.

Feel, my feelings are almost gone.
Deal, what's your deal, how come?

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Hold me, tight.
Cause it feels so right.
What the hell you gonna do?
I'm so over you!

[Chorus]

[Coda]
Even though I'm over you,
Like you, but you saw,
All the words are gonna bleed from me,
And I will sing no more

Jake Gyllenhaal/my oh my/your so cute/you make me sigh! I <3 JAKE!


   
Quote
(@florence)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 17
 

THis is really good! Only one thing I would say is I am not sure that the title "hugs and kisses" is a good one, but its up to you and I think you left the word "out" out of your scond verse last line.
Instead of hugs and kisses how about

[Chorus]
We Became who we were.
we Faught for each other,
Because I was sure, I was so sure
That our love, would never part.
And drenched in my pain I bid you farewell
with a kiss from my heart

Ciao Ciao


   
ReplyQuote
(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 777
 

For your first attempt this is great
yeah I also think you missed a word out but no-one is perfect
great writting
The title I agree maybe you can re-think
but over all pretty impressive for someone so young and first attempt
keep it up
well done

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
ReplyQuote