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independent woman

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(@pardon_me)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2
Topic starter  

i wrote this with a tune in mind so some of the lyrics written out seem long, but they work a bit better with the tune. please be kind with your critiques, i take it well. :D

independent woman

he told her to make dinner
thats what she was for.
she looked at him and said
"i don't know if i love you much more".
he stood from the sofa
and sat down his drink.
he drew back his hand
and slapped her before she could think.
she fell to the floor
tears welled in her eyes,
she looked at him with courage and said
"we've ruined our lives".

independent woman
she doesn't need a man.
she'll never ask him
for his helping hand.
and she won't live in the kitchen
devoting her life to please him.
she'll walk out the door
into a world so grim.

she packed up her suitcase
and took her money from the drawer.
she looked at their photo thinking
"i won't need this anymore".
she picked up the phone
closed the suitcase tight.
her money was spent
on a room for the night.

independent woman
last night of this hell.
what the next day holds (or: what happens the next day ..opinions?)
only time will tell.
she feels so unloved
like on a deserted isle.
she feels herself grin
with no reason to smile.

as she walked out the room
she grabbed her guitar.
she remembered wishing for him
on a shooting star.
she grabbed the keys from the hook
walked to the door.
one last to turn around she thought
as he screamed "you whore".

independent woman
it will be over soon.
she has finally escaped
from him, her cacoon.
there is no need to worry
the set-back will be brief.
its an important decision
for her a fluttering leaf.

indepent woman
life changes come fast,
and even though it is painful
you can't forget the past.

in-de-pen-dent woman.
in-de-pen-dent woman.

"... and i want you to come down here and ask questions because my job as a guidance councilor is to guide you and give you guidance ..." --personal quote from my guidance councilor mr. krasnai


   
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(@guitargeek)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 281
 

it could be 'what will tommorow hold'?


   
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(@mezlay)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 37
 

I thought it was a really good poem I really liked it alot had a great flow to it. I perfer the "what happens the next day" but it's just my preferance.


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

hi pardon

what the next day holds (or: what happens the next day ..opinions?)

i like your first choice myself but the other one does fit well also

cheers

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@xlosexyoux)
Active Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 12
 

hey all!

thanks for the feedback! :D

"i collect friends, i have about three." - ville valo

"listen, ryan's at it again. he just got stabbed in the eye with a fork and now he has to rock a pirate patch for atleast a month. its ridiculous." 'valo' *bam margera*


   
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