This is the first song I've written in a little while, and it's "rough&ready" so to speak, in that I've not editied it, this is how it just came out.
Look into my eyes
look into my eyes
watch as my soul cries
tears of blood streaming
all i hear is screaming
wilting
dying
on the inside
look into my eyes
watch as my soul cries
tears of light falling
i can hear the calling
of angels
demons
pulling me down
looking into my eyes
do you see
how my soul cries?
i may mean nothing
to him or to you
maybe i'll mean something
when my life is through
ending the pain
stop these tears falling like the rain
drowing in my own sea
emotions, bleeding out of me
so maybe i'll mean something
to him
to you
to me
maybe i'll mean something
now i'm dying
now you'll see
thoughts comments suggestion criticisms all welcomed as always :)
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
Hi Pete
There is alot to like about this song mate ..
look into my eyes
watch as my soul cries <---As my soul cries in the first verse
And then in this verse I would have
looking into my eyes
do you see
how my soul cries? <--------How my soul dies
i may mean nothing
Just to break it up a little and gives a little more meaning to lyrics around it I feel ...
Once again your writting is really improveing mate with every song ..
Trevor
ps..
When do I get to read or even better listen to a good time song Pete ?
I want you to write a song about Christmas day with all your loved ones around you laughing smiling ...Please just one happy song :wink:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Cheers Trev, given me a few things to consider there!
I do have a "collection" of happy lyrics that I keep adding to in the hope of using them to write a happy song, but I just seem to find it much harder to do so!
I will post one soon, I promise! :D
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
not a bad start for the first writing of this song,
Trevor has a good point and it would be quite fitting for the song
look into my eyes
watch as my soul cries <<dies
tears of light falling <<<< tears just doesnt seem to fit here, maybe try somthing that is more suiting to describ the light (stream,spears,ect..)
i can hear the calling
of angels
demons
pulling me down
and in the last verse at the end when i read this the song continued on in my head like this
ending the pain
stop these tears falling like the rain
drowing in my own sea
emotions, bleeding out of me
so maybe i'll mean something
to him
to you
to me
maybe i'll mean something
now i'm dying
now you'll see<<<< you'll be missing me
any way not bad at all
good luck with your rewrite
:wink: Mystic
