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wobblies
(@wobblies)
Active Member
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 2
Topic starter  

Hi, I'm looking for some suggestions or criticism on a couple of songs I've written. I guess I'll put the different songs in different posts to keep things manageable and readable. Thanks!

-Jacob Ehrlich

"Down in the Bones" (this is just a working title, I'm not sure if I'm happy about it or not)

If you're living on the run from your own soul and the sun,
Don't leave yourself to gnaw on the bone.
If you're living on the ice, slipping slowly to your christ,
Don't leave yourself to slipping all alone

Mimi was a maiden with her stars crossed above
Fell into wedlock and out of love
Spent her days working out her hands on the harp
Drinking cheap wine and buying outsider art
John was a prisoner at Texas State pen
Spent all his life getting hog-eyed for hens
Wasn't much of a poet but he knew how to rhyme
Wasn't much of a watchman but he knew how to have a good time

If you're living by the water
Drinking sweet mountain sugar
Remember there are those who got it down in the bones
To be alone

I once knew a Mexican maiden who sang with such prestige
She's been whistling that hymn since the 15th century
Met a man named Noah, not much to say about him
'Cept he was floating in his ark but drowning in his gin

Spending days in the madhouse
Losing faith in the shadows
Remember there are those who got it down in the bones
To be alone

Jack was a flirt who lived in the alleys
Lived in the dirt in sweet Southern Cali
Exchanged his wedding ring for a new pair of hands
Left his wife in the kitchen and married a man

If you're living by the water
Drinking sweet mountain sugar
Remember there are those who got it down in the bones
To be alone

Spending days in the madhouse
Losing faith in the shadows
Remember there are those who got it down in the bones
To be alone

So if you send me a dime, I'll tell you the rhyme of the cowboy
'Bout the horses the ride and the tanning the hides of the cow
And the land that they work and the good mother earth as their lovers
Well those small town little girls just cause trouble anyhow

If you're living by the water
Drinking sweet mountain sugar
Remember there are those who got it down in the bones
To be alone


   
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ShadyHarrison
(@shadyharrison)
Reputable Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 279
 

Very clever lyrics, but I'm not sure about that line
Wasn't much of a watchman, but he knew how to have a good time I can't really see how it fits meter wise, but I'd be interested in hearing a recording to see how you've done it. (I've done a similar thing with one of my tracks- there's a line only I can fit in.)

Great set of lyrics.

Hope to hear a recording soon, and also hope to read more of your lyrics in due course.

Shady

Take care,

Casey


   
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