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Love ( this is my first attempt on a love song )

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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 777
Topic starter  

Well I have finally ceaded and tried to write a love song , I think it's like two songs in one , but anyway here it is please don't be shy in critising it if it's really bad just say so .

Love
Chorus

"Yesterday , Yesterday you were nothing , nothing "
"Today, Today you are something , something "
"Tomorrow, Tomorrow you wil be a legend , legend "
"Legend if only in my mind , in my mind "
"If only , only in my mind "

Verse 1

Someone like you is hard to find , hard to find
You are everything ,everything in my mind , in my mind
Everything I hoped to find , hoped to find
When you are gone I miss you , miss you
I always have memories of you in my mind, in my mind

Chorus

"Yesterday , Yesterday you were nothing , nothing "
"Today, Today you are something , something "
"Tomorrow, Tomorrow you wil be a legend , legend "
"Legend if only in my mind , in my mind "
"If only , only in my mind "

Verse 2

It seems we have been together dear , together for ever dear
My life is nothing dear , nothing dear with out you dear without you dear
My love for will always be true my dear , true my dear
My feelings for you will always stay with me , stay with me
My love for you will always be , will always be

Chorus

"Yesterday , Yesterday you were nothing , nothing "
"Today, Today you are something , something "
"Tomorrow, Tomorrow you wil be a legend , legend "
"Legend if only in my mind , in my mind "
"If only , only in my mind "

Oh well if you didn't enjoy this I'm sorry , if you did like it that's great

Cheers
L.K

:shock:

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@gjbrake)
Reputable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 235
 

it's really bad

Listen Louder Than You Play


   
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(@gjbrake)
Reputable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 235
 

NO NO NO! Kidding, of course.
Couldn't resist, sorry!

I like it actually. If you could have a woman and a man singing together that would be so cool. For example: (Man/Woman)

It seems we have been together dear_____
___________________together for ever dear,

_______nothing dear with out you dear_______without you dear
My life is nothing dear____________without you dear__________,

My love for will always be true my dear______
___________________________true my dear,

_______________________________stay with me
My feelings for you will always stay with me________,

My love for you will always be , will always be
_________________________will always be.

Do you know what I mean? Maybe only in the verses or the choruses.

A band called The Beautiful South (dunno know if you've heard of them down under) have 2 singers, a bloke and a woman. Some of their songs are like conversations between lovers. If you could write yours this way it would be like that - only better!

Well written anyway - a good lyric, especially for your first love song.

Nice one LK!
G

Listen Louder Than You Play


   
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(@anonymous)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 8184
 

the verses are too general and impersonal
the chorus is cool
just my opinion, of course


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 777
Topic starter  

Oh well this was my first attempt and I may not try again because it's just too hard .

thanks for the comments though

cheers

L.K

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@guitargeek)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 281
 

im in 2 minds about this one mate...at first the rhyming thing/repeating the last line bit..whatever you want to call it is very interesting but it kind of gets annoying after a while! its not your best song but like you said its your first attempt at a love song!


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 777
Topic starter  

Ok Ok

explanation time I guess G J came the closest ( he actually got it right )at the end of each line it repeats the previous words ,(The Beautiful South , this is the same thing )( had to get inspiration from someone) that is sung by a man , the rest is sung by a very sexy lady with a gravelly voice .

I have thought about this for a long time as you can tell , I have tried to record this but my p c keeps freezing up on me ( for some reason ) , so if anyone wants to have a go at it please feel free . I would love to hear some elses version of this .

And have you noticed that a lot of popular music today is all repeative ? , be repeative and the kids remember the lines and think it's kool.

oh well back to my little prosac filled life
where nothing ever stresses me out

cheers

L.K

:roll:

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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 XXXX
(@xxxx)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 21
 

awesome man love it

Yeah Baby Yeah


   
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