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my crappy poems!

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(@anonymous)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 8184
Topic starter  

i would love to be able to write songs i wish i could but i cant. if you guys have any hints or anything i would greatful but here is some of my poems...

*Untiled #3*

as i sit here and think of you
so far away
i realize how much i am a fool
shouldnt have been turned away

but you feared it
i dont understand why
now my heart is a big dark pit

but i still have you on my mind
i was crazy for you
your not easy to find
now i am just a fool

but you flew away
like a dove
and i am afried
alls i need to hear was that one
magical phrase "i love you"

but you never did
so i say goodbye

*love=death*

you are all alone
no were to go
no more calls on the phone

you think of her
it makes you sick
but your not mad at her
you say you must have been thick

she justed used you
you hit your self in the head
your ego is bursed
and now you dread

you pick up your bed
and but it to your temple
sweat is boring from your head
time is ample

you yell goodbye
as you move your finger
they will remeber how you have died
as you pull the tringer

*you*

i look at your face
and i feel like an ace
we have no set pace

we spend the night togather
my heart feels light as a feather
but tough like leather

when i hold your hand
i think oh damn
i feel like the luckyest man

your my everything
your so beautiful
this is just not a fling

*the way*

i hope you feel the way i do
i get this funny feeling
other wise i would feel like a fool
its like a tingleling

when were togather
i forget my worry
my day gets better
in a hurry

every min we spend
your like wow
i know i have a true friend
i will never frown

*no home*

theres trouble at home
your father walked out
and your all alone
your parents fought

theres nothing but yelling
your fighting the urge
your stupid they always telling
you have no courge

you run away
you run faster
trying to get away
thinking how they called you a bastered

you cant go home
its getting dark
your all alone and no home...

*untiled #4*

i feel your pain
your sacafice isnt to small
and its not in vain
i wont let you fall

just hold my hand
and walk into the flames
i will be a man

it will be only burn for afew
squese my hand
as you walk through
as you think this life isnt grand

we scream
you fall to your knees
as she leans
she gives one last squees

as the fire goes out
you have lost an hope

*whisper*

i see you from across the room
so far over there
me ever talking to you looking gloom
talking to you is what i fear

able to hold your hand
your beautiey flys
but i cant only be albe to say o damn
as you walk by

only able to whisper your name
never able to say hey
so i can take my life in vain
as they lay me to my earthly grave

*die*

as the day and night culided
you look up at the sky
in the earthly sky
hoping you will die

to much hate here before we die
some have been fryed
others have just plannly died

so as you look to the sky
and you began to cry
hoping that you will die

yelling you have tryed
and so now you say good bye
hoping you will just die

so go now and look to the sky
as you lay dying
but dont cry

if you could tell me what you think i would be greatful...or give me website that could help :oops:


   
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(@nicktorres)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 5381
 

not that I'm biased being the author and all:

Yes you can write lyrics!
Start here:
Songwriting-Beginners
Songwriting-Intermediate


   
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(@snoogans775)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 297
 

One thing I use to finish my songs is I take out as many words as I can, words like "and", and "like". note the last sentence.

I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!


   
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(@garytalley)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 54
 

I'm not seeing any consistent meter established. Like you have short lines with a few words and then a long line with a lot more words. When you look at the lyrics to a song ,you should see some consistent pattern. It will be really difficult to put music to a song without a consistent rhythmic pattern.

http://www.guitarforsongwriters.com

creator of #1 video"Guitar Playing for Songwriters"


   
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(@anonymous)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 8184
Topic starter  

It seems as if you are cought up on a break up and thats all you are trying to communicate in every song, and that is alright. However
it's a face you need to grow out of and star writing about diferent isues. Life is full of fruitless realtionships, but there is only so much you can say about it before you've said it all.
One more thing, try to rewrite your poems, it is a misstake to think that ones you are done writing a poem that is it, you can go back to it and see a more clear panorama. You be surprise how much a poem can be improved.
Think of a poem as an idea, and work on it into you are completely satisfy with it.
Sincerely acafer.


   
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