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My First Song

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(@dylan6776)
Estimable Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 124
Topic starter  

I wrote this song and although it contains only basic chords, it sounds ok. Hopefully gonna do some more...
POORHOUSE BOY

I MET A BOY TODAY
AND HE TOOK MY BREATH AWAY
HIS FACE WAS LIKE THE SUNSHINE
WHEN HE SMILED
AND IT CAME TO ME
THAT I DON'T WANNA BE FREE
I'D RATHER BE A PRISONER IN HIS LIFE...

chorus

HE'S ALL I'VE EVER WANTED
AND ALL I'VE EVER NEEDED
HE'S ALL I'VE EVER LONGED FOR...

WE SAW EACH OTHER EVERY DAY
AND THE YEARS THEY JUST FLOATED AWAY
I'VE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY
I COULD CRY....

THEN THINGS JUST CHANGED
WE WENT OUR SEPERATE WAYS
LEFT ME ALL ALONE AND WONDERING
WHY...

chorus

HE WAS ALL I EVER WANTED
AND ALL I EVER NEEDED
AND ALL I EVER LONGED FOR...

I HOPE TO SEE THAT BOY AGAIN AND
I HOPE THAT WE CAN BE FRIENDS
BUT I GUESS IT'S JUST A DREAM JUST
PASSING BY.....

bridge

I WONDER WHAT EVER HAPPENED
TO THAT POORHOUSE BOY
I WONDER IF HE THINKS OF ME
AT ALL...

I know it probably sounds a bit gay 'cos I'm a boy, but I've tried changing it to 'girl' in the lyrics and to be honest it just doesn't sound right. Wish I knew how to do tab so you could get the gist of how the song sounds - i'm sure you'd like it.

Never assume the other fellow has intelligence equal to yours. He may have more.


   
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(@the24factorsofseandonovan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 32
 

Ya know, these lyrics kind of remind me of Franz Ferdinand's "Michael"... just not as provocative and sexual. It's actually kind of cool that you twisted it into a girl's point of view. I like it. Of course, I'm kind of new as lyric writing too, so I don't have much to critique.

And the fire from within burns undying!
http://www.myspace.com/seandonovanmusic
http://www.garageband.com/artist/seandonovanmusic
http://www.soundclick.com/the24factorsofseandonovan


   
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(@the24factorsofseandonovan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 32
 

Ya know, these lyrics kind of remind me of Franz Ferdinand's "Michael"... just not as provocative and sexual. It's actually kind of cool that you twisted it into a girl's point of view. I like it. Of course, I'm kind of new as lyric writing too, so I don't have much to critique. :oops:

And the fire from within burns undying!
http://www.myspace.com/seandonovanmusic
http://www.garageband.com/artist/seandonovanmusic
http://www.soundclick.com/the24factorsofseandonovan


   
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(@the24factorsofseandonovan)
Trusted Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 32
 

Sorry for the double post.

Now that I just did that, sorry for the triple post.

And the fire from within burns undying!
http://www.myspace.com/seandonovanmusic
http://www.garageband.com/artist/seandonovanmusic
http://www.soundclick.com/the24factorsofseandonovan


   
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(@chae)
Eminent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 19
 

Ya know, these lyrics kind of remind me of Franz Ferdinand's "Michael"... just not as provocative and sexual. It's actually kind of cool that you twisted it into a girl's point of view. I like it. Of course, I'm kind of new as lyric writing too, so I don't have much to critique. :oops:

i got the same kind of feeling when reading it through, its a nice song put it to music and it should sound good


   
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(@mstrymn)
Active Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 9
 

Its a song, sure its simple but most good songs are. For a first its alright. Just keep the chords simple and have a nice melody and it would be great.


   
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