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My first song - Help!

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(@jimsea789)
Active Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 7
Topic starter  

When I first started playing guitar my main goal was to be able to write a love song for my wife (well, that and to play "Stairway to Heaven"). I found out that it's not as easy as I thought. I realize that the lyrics are pretty simple, but what can I say, I love my wife's smile! I'm pretty new to all this so any feedback would really help. Thanks.
Here it is:

When You Smile at Me

I wake up
The sun comes shining in
I get up
Gonna start it all again
Then you stir
Another day begins
Then you smile at me

I reach out
Hold your hand in mine
I hold on
You kiss me one more time
And I know
This day will be just fine
When you smile at me

CHORUS
When you smile
All my skies are blue
When you smile
I just want to be with you
I close my eyes
Just to dream of you
When you smile at me

Go to work
The pressure builds all day
And I pray
I get through each delay
Cuz I know
I've just got to get away
To see you smile at me

CHORUS

BRIDGE
I don't know
where I'd be without you
Looking in the mirror
the doubt comes shining through
I just want to be
The man you see in me

As night falls
We slowly climb the stairs
In your arms
I leave behind my cares
Cuz I know
You answer all my prayers

When you smile at me
(When you smile at me)

I recorded it (another first) so you could hear what it sounds like.
http://jimsea789.dmusic.com/
Leo Kottke once said that his voice "sounded like goose farts on a muggy day." After hearing myself sing, I know what he means. Oh well, the vocals are what they are...


   
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(@dneck)
Prominent Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 630
 

Hey the guitar sounds nice and steady. Its pretty simple but for a first song its good, my first song was way worse haha. It sounds good nice job.

"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile


   
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(@jimsea789)
Active Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 7
Topic starter  

Thanks for the kind words. I have a couple of questions: I alternated between C and Fmaj7 for the verse until the "when she smiled" line when I just held the Fmaj7 but just added my little finger on the first string at the third fret:
1ll-l-lxl
2llxl-l-l
3ll-lxl-l
4ll-l-lxl
5ll-l-l-l
6ll-l-l-l
I don't know what that chord is called. Any ideas?

My next question is a little more difficult:
I'm pretty much just a strummer. With this song all I did was noodle around until I found a strum pattern that caught my ear. But when it came to putting lyrics to it, I found myself trying to match the words to the specific strum pattern - following the rhythm, rather than creating a distinct melody to lay over it. I kind of knew it was lyrical suicide when I started, but I couldn't seem to help myself. The result was kind of choppy and forced. Is there a trick to creating a distinct melody to match the rhythm that will allow for more lyrical freedom? (I think I found the title to my next song: "Lyrical Suicide") Maybe this is something that just comes with practice, but if there is a secret to it, I'd love to know what it is.
Jim


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

When you add your little finger to the third fret of the G string while playing an Fmaj7 you have an Fadd9. Some folks will call it "F2" or Fmaj9" and that really depends on the context. If you say "Fadd9" they'll know what you're talking about.

Working out melodies against can be very intimidating. One thing that can help is, while you're working on the melody, to totally stop your strumming pattern and only play either on the first beat of a measure or when there's a chord change. Just one hit to give yourself the harmony to work against the rest of the melody. The idea is to get the melody you want first, and then to work your strumming into place. Again, it takes time and practice, but you should be able to get into it.

Hope this helps.

Peace


   
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