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My Fisrt Song On Here

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(@nolongerme)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 475
Topic starter  

Here are some lyrics that I wrote, I dont have a definite tune yet. Please give your thoughts good or bad.

How far are we going?

What is it I like about you?
That I can't get out of my head

Is it the look inside your eyes?
Or is it from the words you said

There's something that's inside of me
It's telling me to go ahead

Is this as far as we are going
Or is this just how far you've led

How far do you lead?
How far do I lead?
How far do you lead?
How far do I lead?

How far are we going?

We'll go further than can be said
It's the only way to get ahead

It's the look in side your eyes
And from the things you say

It's my heart inside of me
Telling me that it's okay

This isn't as far as we're going
Come on I'll lead the way

How far do you lead?
How far do I lead?
How far do you lead?
How far do I lead?

How far are we going?

We'll go further than can be said
It's the only way to get ahead
We'll walk this road till were dead

How far are we going?
How far dare we go?
How far are we going?
We'll go this far I know


   
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(@dillydally)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 147
 

Guessing it's about someone you have feelings towards? Also seems like a poem, don't know what kind of tune/tempo would go to it.

It's 15 Till And She Has The Other 45 In Her Mouth.


   
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(@nolongerme)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 475
Topic starter  

Yeah this song is about someone I know. I kinda have a tune that i like but I'm not really sure. Did the words make sense and all? Don't bea afraid to say anything.


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

The second four pairs of lines seems like a rewrite of the first four pairs of lines, and I think you need to develop what's going on more.

Best,

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 367
 

Is this as far as we are going
Or is this just how far you've led

I loved that line. I got the same feeling that alan wrote about the lines being kind of repeatitive. Otherwise I liked the song.

Keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
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(@nolongerme)
Honorable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 475
Topic starter  

Thanks guys for the thougths, I agree and will try rewritng some of it :D :D :D


   
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