This is the first song I've ever posted on guitarnoise. :) Feedback is appreciated.
you don't believe in other people
You don't believe in Mr. Clause
you don't believe in a perfect world
and they don't believe in you
so here we are
in the land of dreams and nightmares
We're trolls without our bridges
We're dragons with no lairs
you'll fit right in here
where nothing's real
and everything's forgotten
the sweetest of the saccharine
with the filthy and the rotten
There's no escape from this limbo place
no kids to clap their hands
There's no attention
in the 8th dimension
just a horror collage of a land
Where old fashioned toys
meet the lost boys
and they read a bedtime story
Where imaginary friend
Meets last year's trend
and they toast to memory
This is good.
Tell us a little about the music...
I don't really have music for it yet. I've been playing around with some chords (E, Am, D, D7, C7) but I have no idea what I want to do with the melody.
See if this will get you anywhere on the melody:
For a moment, forget about the words you've written (we will come back to them later). Work the chord progression you have up into the verse->chorus->verse (etc.) arrangement you like, and just play it over and over. While you play just sing out loud, just nonsense words, going with your stream of consciousness. If you do this long enough, a melody will reveal itself. (It might sound a little silly when you are doing it, but I think it works.) You may want to record the excercise to see what develops.
The reason I suggest doing this without the words you've written is so that you can really step away from the text for a while and concentrate on the melody and not the words. (It's like when Paul McCartney first stumbled on the melody to "Yesterday" he sang it to the lyric "Scrambled Eggs..." not quite as profound, to be sure, but it certainly got him where he was going.)
Then, after you've got a handle on a melody, go back to the words you've written and see how you can mold the two together. It may require a little editing the words here or there to make them fit, but that is part of it. Above all, keep an open mind about reworking some of the lyrics to fit them into a melody, because a great song is so much more than great lyrics -- the words have got to fit the music.
Let us know what develops.
I really like the chorus - the opposites play off of each other really well. I'd love to hear what it sounds like set to music.
This is good. Keep posting.