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New Song. Waiting For You To Come Down

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(@switch10)
Trusted Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 49
Topic starter  

Wrote this song 2 nights ago. I refined some of the lyrics over the last few days. I don't know about the first line in the chorus, it's kind of a filler. I have some chords that sound pretty good. and a killer harp part. i'll be recording it soon.

any suggestions??

she lives up on the green mountain side
a ragged old cottage is where she'll reside
And she don't come down for nothin at all
She likes the summer but she lives for fall

ill stand outside hear that quiet sound
waiting for you to come down
and i hope you're happy with that love you found
waiting for you to come down

I cant get my mind off the winter time
The cold outside is stranglin up my mind
it rips all the leaves off all the trees
leavin them standing naked shaken in the breeze

ill stand outside hear that quiet sound
waiting for you to come down
and i hope you're happy with that love you found
waiting for you to come down

well the cold come quick and the cold come hard
don't let that winter wind catch you off guard
I used to love her and i still do too
still I wait for you, its all i can do

ill stand outside hear that quiet sound
waiting for you to come down
and i hope you're happy with that love you found
waiting for you to come down
waiting for you to come down

Dave


   
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(@davidhodge)
Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 4472
 

Hey Dave

I didn't find the first chorus line to be filler, but if you're unhappy with it, you might want to try using the third line as the first and then making a substitution for the third line, perhaps like this:

and i hope you're happy with that love you found
waiting for you to come down
but just in case I think i'll hang around
waiting for you to come down

Not the best, I know, but hopefully it might get your own ideas going.

Peace


   
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(@chris-c)
Famed Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 3454
 

Hi,

Looks like it's coming along well. There was one thing that struck me when I read through - that it could use a stronger beginning. The line ending with "reside" looked rather forced. The language in that whole line seemed as if it had been pushed out of shape, and "reside" chosen just for the rhyme. It's also rhyming "side" with "**side", which felt a bit too close, so perhaps a rework there might be worthwhile. It's always good to try and have a good strong start that flows well as it sets up the mood and the expectation for the rest of the piece, whether it's a song, a novel, an article or whatever.

Looking forward to hearing your music.

Cheers,

Chris


   
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