Skip to content
Notifications
Clear all

New Song

4 Posts
4 Users
0 Likes
1,480 Views
(@kirablaine)
New Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2
Topic starter  

Here is a song I wrote today. I was just wondering what ppl thought.... It's about how much I hate college, but I can't just do something else cuz people will judge me. -Kira

I am running out of answers.
I am running out of feeling that I can't hide.
I am running out of reasons,
Searching for a purpose I just can't find.

Why do
I have
To go on?
When I'm
Searching
For something that
Feels and seems so wrong.

I don't know what to do now.
Please don't make me do this; it makes me go insane.
I don't need to follow
Dreams of yours-- those dreams are not mine.

Why do
I have
To go on?
When I'm
Living
My life for you?
I want to live my life for me!

Why can't
I just be happy?


   
Quote
(@gjbrake)
Reputable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 235
 

Kira,

First of all, what's with the pink??!

More importantly, the song. It feels like a first draft to me - like you've just got your ideas out onto the page.
As such it could do with a little work, IMO, just to 'tighten it up'.

A couple of suggestions:

Drop the 'I am' from line 2. Verse 1 will have better form and flow without it.

Chorus 1 is great.

In Verse 2, line 2 seems to long and line 4 too short!

The last line of Chorus 2 could do with rhyming with 'To go on?' I say that because it worked so well in the first chorus!

Just some things for you to think about, but generally I like it.

Do you have music behind this, or just the lyrics?

G

Listen Louder Than You Play


   
ReplyQuote
(@annabear)
Active Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 3
 

I can relate to this feeling, not necessarily with college, but the pressure to someone elses dreams instead of focusing on mine. I can see where several people would be able to relate to this type of situation.

AB


   
ReplyQuote
(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 367
 

I liked the song. As anna said, lots of people can relate to it. I would throw in a thrid verse. Something a little more personal to go out with.

Keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
ReplyQuote