Ok, I'll try this again. I seem to have lost my first message. Oh well, I guess it will help me learn my own songs right?
It don't take long to get around in this town.
Word travels fast when you're not around.
Can't make peace in my mind
as I'm trying to put it all behind me.
I hear a tic toc ticking from the clock on the wall
Like a needle being dropped inside of Carneige Hall.
The echos can be heard from miles away
as I try to keep it all inside me.
Try to keep it all inside me
Ooh baby, I don't care
It don't matter what you say
I can see it in your eyes you're gonna leave me
I don't belong here anyway.
I take a long, long look at the cracks in these walls
And from the window in the kitchen see the grass is to tall.
Now the time has come to turn my back on it all
and try to put it all behind me
when I look in the mirror I see all these lines on my face
Getting deeper by the minute and my smiles been replaced.
My day to day existance isn't going no place
besides the lights at night here only blind me
the lights at night here only blind me
Ooh baby, I don't care
It don't matter what you say
I can see it in your eyes you're gonna leave me
I dont belong here anyway
Hi pixnstrings
Welcome to Guitar Noise.
First I'd like to say that I like what you have written, but in my opinion I think that you have some extra words that you don't need.
#1--I hear a tic toc ticking from the clock on the wall
-----I hear the ticking of the clock on the wall
#2--I take a long, long look at the cracks in these walls
-----I take a long look at the cracks in these walls
#3--when I look in the mirror I see all these lines on my face
-----when I look in the mirror I see the lines on my face
These are like I said above just My OPINION.
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
Hi Tokia 12 string,
Thanks for the suggestions. I know what you mean about extra words. It was hard for me to post it the way I sing it because it is so wordy. I like the changes. Especially the one to #3.
Thanks again for your input and look forward to more. Lucky me to have stumbled on this site. :D
It would also sound cool like this.
#1--I hear a tic toc ticking from the clock on the wall
-----I hear the ticking of the clock on the wall
-----I hear the tic toc from the clock on the wall
I like the rhyme inside the line.
Good stuff!
I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)
I've checked out both, gmilam and Tokais suggestions and they work! Quit well I might ad. I'm working on some revisions now and will repost it when Im done. Thanks for all your help. Check out my other song. I'm open for suggestions............Hope to post a few more shortly.
Thanks again
Pix
