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(@zajeb)
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Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

HI all i am new 2 this site but hope ill be here for long time :D

ok for starters these are 2 old songs i wrote for some girl so i didnt wanna edit it even if it would be a lot better with some modifications

and oh yeah i dont do lyrics for my song as i still aint that good a guitar player ;D
and i generely dont name my songs

Somewhere deep down
deepper than my soul
somewhere only you could reach
but not any more

It laid in the dark
in the dark it grew
this unspeakable thing
this need for you

Pain inside me
Too strong to bear
You’ve occupied my thoughts
But don’t even care

I would rip out my heart
take it out in vain
to try stop loving you
to stop this fuc***g pain (sry for bad words :D)

And I would just find
what I already know
you’ve poisoned my heart
you’ve poisoned my soul

You run trough my blood
flow trough my veins
If you could chose your love
Who would chose this pain

the second is Bryan adams kind a song as i listened 2 it a lot dous days :D

Never Loved You

I never loved you
You just help me write my song
I never loved the way
You frown when I do something wrong

I never loved the way
Your look makes me fly
I never loved the way
You blush when I see you smile

I never loved the way
You looked right trough my eyes
I never loved the way
You act like you are not surprised

I never loved the way
You caressed me with your lips
I never loved the way
You whispered with your finger tips

I never loved you
You must know by now it's true
If only I can make
My hart believe me too

I never loved the way
The way you make me say
I really ...love ...you


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 Anonymous
Joined: 52 years ago
Posts: 0
 

Note: After readng what I've written below, I realise the comments might sound a little harsh, so let me say;

I like the songs and think they have potential, especially the second one! :)

Now then........

My first comment after reading these songs is: be careful of your spelling! I know its a small(ish) point, and we all make mistakes, but right off in your first line you've got (and I assume this wasn't intentional!);

Somewhere dip down
dipper then my soul

Should that read "Somewhere DEEP down, DEEPER THAN my soul"?

You've also got;

I would reap out my heart
take it out in vain
to try stop loving you
to stop this fucg pain (sry for bad words )

Should it be "I would RIP out my heart, take it out in vain.."?

Lastly, you apologise for the use of 'bad words'. If you feel the need to apologise for them, why are they there? Would you stop in the song and apologise for saying fucg when you were performing it?

I really like the second song, have you got music to go with it, or anything in mind at all? My only comment on the 2nd song is that a chorus might help to break it up a bit?

Overall some nice writing :)

Pete


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(@zajeb)
Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

Yeah my speling is bad, and sorry for bad word was because when i wrote F***ING in the sng lirics (without stars) it changed it automaticly when posted so realized some1 below 13 could be reeding this so i added that, i swear a lot in my songs just didnt wanna be baned after 1 post :D


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(@zajeb)
Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 11
Topic starter  

after i write on papre i use office to repair my mistakes but when i write something and there is a difderent mining than what iwont... you know jebiga :D

oh yeah and i dont do music for my songs but i gues it would go well with some slow thing like in pls forgive me from bryan adams or smthing


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