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Noob's humble first song. (posted)

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(@fleeting_shadow)
Active Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 4
Topic starter  

Hi - New here, prob won't post again either; sorry If I'm intruding.

Some explanation: I wrote it about being in love with someone you've never even met, and just waiting for them to come into your life, after feeling alone for such a long time. It is actually fairly new in it's draft, and may actually be more suited as a poem, but I'll give it a go anyway.

''Circles''

Flash floods and thundering applause,
The 'Masquaraders''; they transfixed,
swerve a centre on the floor.

Musical sunshine, a sparkling stepping freedom,
Footprints lightening; awakening themselves in
my heart-beating passion.

I await you in the middle,
Their brushing rushing laughter.
You and me always,
You and me always.

False dreams scattered on faces,
Which arms of youth hold so delicately;
a safeguard from the tears.

Heartstrings in the chords, that feet tap to slowly,
I await the bridge of your forearm, to lead me on;
carry me home gently.

Onwards we go,
Circles in circles, thats
always me and you,
always me and you.

Never ending circles,
thats turning, thats turning,
always you and me,
always you and me.

(Instrumental)

'Solo, so long'; not here, not gone.
Never heard, never seen...
are you something to believe in?

Onwards we go,
always me, always you.
Onwards we go,
always you, always me..

always me and you...

Where are you?


   
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(@specialk)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 90
 

I think you should simplify your lyrics, I got lost with some of those words...

Special K


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Why post a song if your not going keep posting ? one will never improve being a one song wonder .

I don't know if you even read my response but I hope you will

I really liked this piece and it showed some great writting ability such as the following :

"Heartstrings in the chords, that feet tap to slowly,
I await the bridge of your forearm, to lead me on;
carry me home gently."

terrific writting graet imagery :D

you should keep posting and gain more and more experience in the song writting craft . :wink:

It is easy to quit but tougher to continue , but more personall benifits will come by continuing

just my thoughts

cheers

L.K :arrow:

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@fleeting_shadow)
Active Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 4
Topic starter  

Yes, I have read your reply. I suppose my first et last... because I don't usually like people reading things which I write, and also because I posted this to make a point to someone at the time :) I actually prefer poetry to lyrics... as in music I like instrumentals rather than songs with vocals.

Thankyou for your comments though... :)


   
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(@cabreraluvr7)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 98
 

HI. Welcome and btw.. i love your username!! It's so...mysterious!! Anyway.. I really like what you've got there! But I also agree with lotto. If your only gonna post one song why even bother? This whole website has help me as a artist grow. Read posts and interact. You'll have fun!


   
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