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not sure what to call this one but i think its pretty good..

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(@aroundtheclaxon)
Estimable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 127
Topic starter  

VERSE 1
so, im only happy when i sleep
when my dreams can bring me to the way this should have been
before they became just that...dreams
do you remember the way i looked at you
had u ever seen that before
will you ever see that again x2

cHORUS
sometimes in my head i still get that way
sometimes in my head i still get that way
and you'll just say ok
but you just say ok

but whats ok...

vERSE 2
so,how been since then
is the magic still gone
when did it ever end
it was all just in my head?
was it all just in my head? X2

cHORUS

vERSE 3
so, i wonder if someday
when all of this has past
if ill still think of u
when my life has been lived
and i look back
will i still think of u X2

CHORUS X2

yeah so there it is obviusly not that happiest song ever, but im not feeling too good now :( ..... any advice on what to call it or what kinda music could go with it or anything to change will be greatly appeciated Thanks.

Head Arcitech at Vandelay Instudries


   
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(@anonymous)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 8184
 

I'm having a lot of trouble following this one. I'm not sure what it is. It's possible that I have a hard time reading the internet speak. The chorus especially. I think these lines have a lot of emotion to them:
and you'll just say ok
but you just say ok

But the first two lines I'm stuck on what they mean. The last verse is a bit choppy but it could be typos. The last verse, are you looking back to see yourself thinking about this person, or has looking back made you think of this person?

It might help if you re-word some lines too, so they flow better like:

I wonder if someday
When all of this is past
If I'll still be thinking of you
When I've lived my life
And I look back
Will I still be thinking of you X2

I think you have a good idea for a song but it gets losts in the internet speak. I think if you retype it in english it'll be easier to follow.


   
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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2957
 

Hi

I like what One wing has done with here with that verse

I think there more tweeking you could do with this as well

chorus

sometimes in my head i still get that way
sometimes in my head i still get that way
and you'll just say ok
but you just say ok

to me it seems too repeatative and a bit mmm iffy ( if you know what I mean )

Sometimes in my head I still feel that way
Now and then I pray for the end of the day
What do you mean byall this ? OK ?
You still won't be at the end of the day

===
Title I thought of " In my Dreams "

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


   
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