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putting lyrics into music- help PLEASE

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(@anonymous)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 8184
Topic starter  

This is the 3rd song ive wrote and i would appreciate any feedback

On the mind

Meet me by the bridge, I'm alive on the outside but dead underneath,
Let me take you round let me bring you down; breathing is hard with eyes closed,
Got to get out of this hole,

There are things I could say I could sing you a song, I've got every thing that you could want,
So darling believe me when I say to you you're the next best thing in this life that's true.
You are like a summer rose but your smile wears thin, can you heal the scar that's on my heart, dry the tears I've cried whilst we were apart

Lets find away for a better day, meet me by the bridge I'm alive on the outside but dead underneath,
Let me take you round let me bring you down; breathing is hard with eyes closed,
Got to get out of this hole,

Knowing where you are going makes me feel guilty but brings me peace,
Desire makes me feel ugly but brings me relief
Everybody loves somebody in this world, know one wants to grow old alone, love is you, So darling believe me, you're the best thing in this life that's true


   
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(@garytalley)
Trusted Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 54
 

I can't figure out what the meter or the rhyme scheme are from reading the lyrics.

creator of #1 video"Guitar Playing for Songwriters"


   
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(@anonymous)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 8184
Topic starter  

im sure what u mean when u use those tech terms as i am pretty new to this stuff, thanks for your reply


   
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(@garytalley)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 54
 

If you listen to other songs, you'll notice that the last word of a line rhymes with the last word of another line. Rhyming is one of the essential parts of writing a song. For instance:

Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells , Jingle all the WAY
Oh what fun it is to ride on a one horse open SLEIGH. ("way" and "sleigh" rhyme.)

Jesus Loves Me,this I KNOW
For the Bible tells me SO.

Twinkle twinkle little STAR
How I wonder what you ARE

Mattie told Hattie about a thing she SAW
It had one big horn and a woolly JAW

see?

http://www.guitarforsongwriters.com

creator of #1 video"Guitar Playing for Songwriters"


   
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(@snoogans775)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 297
 

GaryTalley saidRhyming is one of the essential parts of writing a song
it doen't have to rhyme, rhyming is just another tool, like alliteration or different concepts of meter. I mean no offense, but from your post you're kinda limting creativity.

Your song has very long lines, they're hard to work with, you can try loosening up the guitar line, maybe to a walking bassline feel, and try speaking the words, more than singing them

I don't follow my dreams, I just ask em' where they're going and catch up with them later.
-Mitch Hedburg
Did you see that!


   
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(@noel-iu)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 96
 

I understand you
I'm good making music, but not making lyrics...
It could be a nice mix :D

I hope your nick its an Oasis quote, isn't it? this is my favourite song... and I play it hundreds of times... it's simply.. nice!

http://www.freewebs.com/noel-iu

http://noel-iu.dmusic.com/


   
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(@omega)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 92
 

I think the best idea for the lyrics is to have just a simple rhythm guitar underneath it, as the lines don't really have a 'structure.' That way, the vocalist has most of the control, and is not limited by the guitar passage forcing them into the next line. Or, you could alter the words to have a more uniform structure, the first one requires less work. :wink:

Somnium Dulcis.


   
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(@guy_d)
Active Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 16
 

The songs structure is very good I think, but the refrain “Got to get out of this hole,” Is weak and the song ends flatly with “you're the best thing in this life that's true”.

Overall though I would be proud If I where the one who wrote it.

People talk of situations,
Read books, repeat quotations,
Draw conclusions on the wall.

Bob Dylan, Love Minus Zero/No Limit,


   
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(@sigil)
Eminent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 17
 

Meet me by the bridge
I'm alive on the outside
but dead underneath,

Let me take you round
let me bring you down
breathing is hard with eyes closed

Got to get out of this hole,
There are things I could say
I could sing you a song
I've got every thing that you could want

So darling believe me when I say
to you you're the next best thing in this life
that's true

You are like a summer rose
but your smile wears thin
can you heal the scar that's on my heart
dry the tears I've cried whilst we were apart

Lets find away for a better day
meet me by the bridge
I'm alive on the outside but dead underneath

Let me take you round let me bring you down
breathing is hard with eyes closed
Got to get out of this hole

Knowing where you are going makes me feel guilty
but brings me peace
Desire makes me feel ugly
but brings me relief

Everybody loves somebody in this world
know one wants to grow old alone
love is you, So darling believe me
you're the best thing in this life thats true

I didn't add anything or change anything, NOW I can read it. Hope you don't mind the arranging (may be off, but easier to read).

Sigil is in creation mode


   
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(@e-sherman)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 374
 

If your intrested, we could do a collaboration. I could write some music for this and record it for you, and you can see if you like it.

The king of rock, some say lives
the lizard king, is surely dead
the king of France, lost his head
the King of Kings... bled
( email me at esherman@wideopenwest.(com). I almost never check my hotmailaccount.


   
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