This is one of my first completed songs and is about my girlfriend Rachel, please give advise on how to make it better and any other comments will be much appreciated. Oh and dont be to harsh :D
I spent most days trynna find a reason why
None of the girls looked at me not even passers by,
Then I met you and there was no-one else in here,
All of my troubles began to disappear,
I see your face,
Feel ma heart beat race,
I think I'm lost in space
My minds all over the place
Please stay forever and always,
I hear your name inside me calling,
Whenever I think of you,
My mind doesn't know what to do
I can't seem to get you out of my head,
So I, decide just to think of you instead,
Your looks they just take my breath away,
And I just wish that I could be with you today
='''0 THAT WAS BEAUIFUL!!!
Hiya, and welcome to Guitarnoise.
Well, the line lengths in the first verse could do with some attention, unless you're using it as a spoken preamble. I'd split each line, and make that one verse into two.
And then - the lines get longer in each verse, so by the time you get to the final verse you're either struggling to fit them into the verse structure (or there's a lot of space in your 2nd verse), or you run out of breath trying to sing them.
Otherwise, a credible first effort.
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
Hi, thanks alot for the comments and advice people, when you say spoken preamble i have absolutly no idea what that means, lol. How would you suggest i split the verse?
Thanks again
Spoken preamble - listen to some of those old Rogers & Hart songs from the 1930's musicals; there's a bit of a spoken introduction and then the singing starts.
Splitting the lines:
I spent most days trynna
find a reason why
None of the girls looked at me not
even passers by,
Then I met you and there was
no-one else in here,
All of my troubles
began to disappear,
That leaves you with a lot more space to work the melody. Otherwise, you could be rushing to fit all the line into a four-beat bar.
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
ok then, thanks alot :D
I think this is a great song
:)
