Hey Everyone,
This looks like great forum. We I am new to GN- just to give some background....I basically write lyrics and do a bit of composing on my accoustic guitar and try to make songs :wink:
Well I am just looking out for some honest comments on my lyrics and also peole who can give melody and put music to words :)
To start of here's something I had writen sometime ago..I 've got a a basic tune in mind, but can't etch it out on the guitar...maybe it can be a dark metallica type #.
Red Horizon :note2:
(verse 1)
Got to be, there's got to be
A better way to make it real
All the times I think about you
Can't stop the way I feel
You don't come and you don't go
Glance's only is what I steal
All the times I think about you
Can't stop the way I feel
(pre-chorus)
Slowly it grips me
Goes over and trips me
Into the red horizon
I can almost feel the poison
Into my blood it's smearing
Hear laughter end is nearing
(chorus)
So I say my prayers tonight
Try to save myself tonight
Come out through the red horizon
That keeps deluding me.
(verse 2)
Emptiness is killing me
Now I think I'll disappear
You don't tend to notice me
Although you can see so clear
Fragments of fallacies
Woven on to exterior
All the times I think about you
Come on lets make it real
(pre-chorus)
Slowly it grips me
Goes over and trips me
Into the red horizon
I can almost feel the poison
It's in my whole existence
I can put up no resistance
(chorus)
So I say my prayers tonight
Put up with one last fight
Come out through the red horizon
And finally I'll be free.
Looking forword to your comments people... :)
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"Within you lies,what you seek
everything you havent known
bound with skepticism
Unravel it, on your own"
Well first off, Im not a huge Song writer myself, but im a trying one, and i guess thats what counts. I like your chorus, The red horizon part and how it changes for the second chorus on the last line. Its good. The Pre chorus:
Slowly it grips me
Goes over and trips me
Into the red horizon
I can almost feel the poison <===Couldyou possibly come up with somthing that rhymes better than poison?
Into my blood it's smearing
Hear laughter end is nearing <=== Could be: "I hear Laughters end is Nearing"
Thats pretty much what I think. Ill try to come up with some chords (I also play acoustic, so what I play will more or less be what you hear).
Also, could you lookover my song that I posted? its called "The frost" and Should be smewhere this thread on the board. Thanks.
I sorta Play the Guitar.......Only sorta tho. *shifty eyes*
Now working on: That Dang F-Chord, Barre chords, strumming faster, And the Prelims of Finger picking.
I took a look, and it's very long per verse. Do you have a tune in mind? Try singing this along to any metallica song as background and see if you can fit all the words in.
Thanks for the comments..even if it took a long time coming.
@Hoogo..appreciate your comments...am glad that you liked it. As far your suggestions go...
'I can almost feel the poison <===Couldyou possibly come up with somthing that rhymes better than poison?
I guess poison is fine rhymewise...its also a part of the the story which the song is trying to convey
'Hear laughter end is nearing <=== Could be: "I hear Laughters end is Nearing"
Yaa..this suggestion works for me...it's more clearer
Btw.. I am waiting for the chords for this...if u have come up with a basic structure or something.
@ Nick ..thanks for the reply...hope u liked the lyrics
well..i i ahve got a basic tune in mind..but could'nt etch it out on the guitar. And you bang on target about metallica.. I want it to be a dark brooding...full power metallica kind of a composition.
I would be glad if you can do something like that..awaiting your reply :)
cheers!
