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Running With Scissors (be brutal)

Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 8
Topic starter  

I just read the book Running With Scissors, and that really inspired me to write something. I'm not done with it, and It's probably pretty bad, but I'd enjoy any feedback. It's a little scattered at this point, too.

Being held down in strange beds,
And the house's vermin crawl,
at night, you don't know who to believe,
He says you have power over him,
but you know the power is all his.

Searching for entertainment,
In a house full of strangers,
Wierd looks on your town's main drag,
Damaged Hair and clinging cotton.

Dreams ruined by a single mistake,
By bestfriends new dreams are made,
In a lobster place without shoes,
Huge tantrums caused by lost earrings,
Motel matresses and TVs in their pool,
running off without paying

Refusing to go to school,
13 years old and completely free,
Except for the 20 year old man,
Who knows how to make you feel.

Default emotion is numb,
Mother's bubble bath pink with broken glass,
Father's rage, seeping alchohol and blood through his ears,
slammed down on kitchen tiles.

That's all I have for now.
Any thoughts?

Active Member
Joined: 16 years ago
Posts: 14

The images are very vivid and strong, but you might consider revising to have a more consistant rhyme scheme.