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SANDCASTLES - by manontheside

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(@manontheside)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 179
Topic starter  

This is something I thought was sweet as I started out, but as I continued to work on it, I found it actually had something important to say (well, more or less)

SANDCASTLES

A man called herman hated the whole world
he tried to flee from his misery
so he took his plane and took off
to lonelyland

lonelyland, a place long forgotten
lonelyland, a place for downtrodden
lonely men,
like herman

so herman hermit created a throne
and claimed it himself, there was none to oppose
gathered resources and built a majestic castle
on the beach

CHORUS:
Sandcastles, sandcastles, don't stand no test of tide
Sandcastles, sandcastles, ain't no place to reside

Herman hermit stood on his
regal balcony
so pleased
and so proud

But the horizon darkened and stormclouds hurried
to cover up the sun,
and poor herman ran and hid himself in his
royal dungeon

Sandcastles, sandcastles, don't stand no test of tide
Sandcastles, sandcastles, ain't no place to hide

Sandcastles, sandcastles, don't stand no test of tide
Sandcastles, sandcastles, a lonely place to die

***

So, I have the mp3 file uploaded at dmusic, http://kwl.dmusic.com/music/download/247297/.f966c805 . Forgive the terrible quality, there's only so much a poor mp3-player can record. Hopefully it will give you an idea :)

All comments welcome, even the non-constructive or silly ones!

"I wish there was an over the counter test for my loneliness"


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

I can't play the mp3 in the office, and as it's a finished product it's not going to be possible to suggest much in the way of changes; but if you'd just posted it as a set of lyrics before recording it, I think I'd have said that you could go a long way with it.

There's a lot of good ideas here, dude. I think you coulad take it futher than it's gone.

Best,

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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