k, well i haven't posted here in a long, long, long time. dang school. k, here is a song i wrote a while back, just haven't gotten time to see what you guys think, so please give input on it. if you've ever heard dashboard confessional, thats the type of songs i write now, so ya here it is.
Re-design your hope for love,
I am simply giving up,
I am tired of the feeling,
Of being in chains,
Re-align the notes you wrote,
Figure out that you love hope,
But hope looks at you with such disdain,
So you run away…
And my hope is quickly fading,
The hope I had in like,
Since she walked out the door,
And left me and me by my side,
We are the best of friends,
And this friendship never ends,
Like she does,
Like she does…
I look at her with such disdain now,
Can I make it anymore plain now?
I still realize the good times,
And the complete and total lies,
That she told to get away,
And I understand,
No I really do,
It just didn't work out,
Between me and you…
And my hope is quickly fading,
The hope I had in like,
Since she walked out the door,
And left me and me by my side,
We are the best of friends,
And this friendship never ends,
Like she does,
Like she does…
She is gone,
I was wrong,
I thought this could last forever,
Now I am alone,
I don't know where I'm going,
Or what I'm doing, now,
She left without a trace,
Look at my face,
Can you see the pain,
That I'm trying to hide,
I wish that I,
Could get over the fact that,
She is gone…
She is gone,
I was wrong,
I thought this could last forever…
Huge Brownie Points for using re-design and re-align in the same verse.
I'd lose "but" from the 7th line of the first verse, merge the 6th and 7th lines of verse two so that they read "and I really know" (or something like that), and lose some of the "she is gone" lines at the end so that the final verse ran to just 12 lines. Apart from that, I think it's fine.
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
hey R hows things? wow this is very...very good stuff you got goin here,im into the same kinda music as you and i have to say this rocks...i wouldnt change a thing..
gaz
"people laugh at me because im different...i pity you..because your all the same"
thanks guys. i really have to say i love this song, it is about me and a girl so it has real feeling in it and everything. so ya thanks.
This is a great song!
anyone got ideas for maybe some chords, cause it might give me interesting insight into your views of how it should go, but also i have no ideas, i've got music in my head how i sing but i can't come up with a good chord progression.
does anyone at all have any ideas for music?
The song was great. The only thing that bothered me a little bit was the repeating some words. Disdain and hope. Hope works well in the chorus, but it follows behind the 2 'hopes' in the first verse. It kind of stood out to me, and I'm usually not that picky. Disdain wouldn't be bad if it wasn't used in the chorus and in the last verse, just because it is after three chosuses using the word. Otherwise I really liked it! Keep it up!
And, I'm sorry, I don't know any music ideas.
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
pierson, i don't know where your finding disdain in the chorus, but its only once in verse 1 and once in verse 2. :?
I'm retarded. I thought it was in the chorus, but I was extremely tired when I read it. Sorry.
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
its alright, i was just a tad bit confused. no hard feelings or anything. :D
I'm the same way, i have it in my head but i can't figure it out on the fretboard...YET!!!
