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Six Feet More - Working Title

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(@mr-d)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 22
Topic starter  

Six Feet More
It's a short walk to wonderland
But it's a long way home
You're the only one
Knows that you've been gone

You wander through in first place
Stumble out in last
Flags of friend and future
Flying at half mast

You think you'll hit rock bottom
Bounce up off the floor
No matter how far down you go
There's always six feet more

People flicker in and out
Come and go so soon
Music drowns the voices
Haunt you in your room

You think you'll hit rock bottom
Bounce up off the floor
No matter how far down you go
There's always six feet more

No matter how far down you go
There's always six feet more
_______________________________
Thank's for reading,
Dillon

I use heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk.
—SRV


   
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(@guitargeek)
Reputable Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 281
 

hiya! i really like this actually, it flows well and the message is good and i see what your writing about.however there are a couple things that i didnt quite understand or didnt sound right to me...

It's a short walk to wonderland
But it's a long way home
You're the only one
Knows that you've been gone

the first 3 lines are great but the last bit doesnt make sense...if you add a word it kinda does..

You're the only one
who knows you've been gone

And....i love this line..

Music drowns the voices
Haunt you in your room

but again i feel it needs an extra word to make sense ..

Music drowns the voices
That haunt you in your room

anyway thats what i think! :)


   
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(@mr-d)
Eminent Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 22
Topic starter  

Heh yeah I noticed that myself after I posted it. I just copied it straight from my notebook, forgetting that I wrote the whole thing in 20 minutes when I was supposed to have been in class 10 minutes ago lol But when inspiration hits you know?

Glad you liked it :)
Dillon

I use heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk.
—SRV


   
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